Their Crazy Love
by Cashelle-gone-Crazy
Summary: (Warning: Slash) Contains minor OotP spoilers. Harry is having dreams about Dumbledore and doesn't know what they mean until the one person they're about confesses something to him and he realizes he feels the same way. Rated PG-13 for slash references.
1. The Dream

Their Crazy Love

_By Cashelle-gone-Crazy___

**Disclaimer:** No, I do not own anything Harry Potter. If I did, why would I be writing this? It would already be in the books. :-D

**Author's Note:** Alright. I'm warning you here and now. This is a slash fic between Harry and Dumbledore. If you're not interested in either slash or Harry and Dumbledore do not read any farther.

Now that's out of the way I have a few other things to say. This is one wild fic that I am writing because there are **no** Harry/Dumbledore romance fics. Can you believe that? You can so tell that they're going to end up together. 

Yes, that is a joke. I don't take this seriously…much. ;-) And I hope you don't either. This is just pure fun. Although, I have to warn you, there is a part or two in this chapter that can bring some bad mental images in your head. And I'm sorry for those but they had to be there. I was even cringing as I wrote them. 

So without further ado, here is chapter one of Their Crazy Love

*     *     *

_Chapter One_

_The Dream_

            "Harry….go towards the light…" someone whispered.

            "Huh?" Harry had just been walking down the dark corridor when all of a sudden he was standing in a room that looked vaguely like Dumbledore's office. At the end farthest from the office door there was a bright white light shining.

            "Go towards the light!" screamed the voice. Startled out his confusion, Harry slowly walked towards the light. Five feet away he realized that the light was coming from behind a door. 

            Curious as to what was making the light he grabbed the doorknob, turned it, and pushed open the door. His ears were immediately filled with the sound of what he guessed to be polka music. Looking around for the source he realized he was standing on the peak of a snowy mountain. Blue sky was all around him and to the north he could see a mountain range with equally white peaks stretching to the horizon. To the east lay a village half way down the mountain. Another mountain range continued west for about five miles. Harry could see that a valley of some sort lay after the range. Turning south he saw more mountains and the sea after them. 

            Just then he noticed that the door he came through was gone. _Great, he thought,_ now what am I going to do? _Deciding he didn't want to make a long hike across the mountain ranges, Harry started climbing down the snow towards the village. _

            Half an hour and a dangerous climb consisting of slipping and crying later, Harry reached the village. At first glance it looked deserted but then he heard the polka music again. Walking down the main road he pinpointed the hut that the sound was coming from. The hut was shabbier than the others and had beads hanging down in front of the doors. Sitting out in front was what looked like a cauldron filled with some sort of soup, a bicycle, and a bathtub with a chicken sitting inside reading a book. 

            Harry did a double take. But looking again only showed a bathtub with a chicken pecking at his food.  _Alright, he thought,_ I don't like this place anymore_. All of a sudden he heard the loudest, most awful sound in the world. _

            …someone was clipping their nails.

            Cringing and thinking that he needed out off here, Harry knocked on the door. The sound abruptly stopped. Harry knocked again. He could here a lot of scrambling coming from inside. It sounded like the occupant was trying to clean up in the record time of five seconds. Harry was about to knock again when the door suddenly burst open. 

            "Ahhhhh!"  Harry screamed stumbling backwards. The man standing before him had on a green pair of lederhosen with flowers embroidered on the shoulder straps and had a green Peter Pan looking hat perched on his head (but no feather). His knobby legs looked odd against the rest of his muscular body, not to mention the perfect map of the London Underground. His long white beard trailed almost to floor and his long white hair matched it. The man looked down on Harry and smiled wide.

            "Pro-pro-professor Dumbledore?!" Harry stammered.

            "Ah, Harry. I have been expecting you but not this soon. Please come in," Dumbledore said motioning Harry inside. Still shocked to see his headmaster here and dressed like this Harry stood for a moment then walked inside. 

            Looking from the outside you wouldn't expect it to be as nice as it was on the inside. An old coal stove that looked like it had just been polished sat in the far corner next to some oak counters that ran the rest of the wall. Next to the door stood a redwood coat and hat hanger that also looked like it had just been polished. In the middle of the room sat a blood red leather couch with pitch black leather arm chairs on either side. Harry noticed the accordion sitting on the couch. Dumbledore also noticed Harry looking at it. 

            "Want to hear something?" 

            "What?" Harry asked.

            "Do you want me to play something?" 

            "Umm…I guess?" Harry answered skeptically.  Dumbledore sauntered over the couch and picked up the instrument. He motioned for Harry to sit on the couch which is just what Harry did. After messing around for a few minutes, Dumbledore hit his first note. 

            "Ah-hem. Weeeeeeeee jumped aboard our longboats and sailed upon the seas and we slaughtered all who fought us and we did just as we pleased 'cuz we're crazy Viking warriors and we never beg for peace! The Vikes are march—I wish I were an ant! So I could chant! And if I could chant…" 

            Dumbledore continued to sing while he began to hop around the room like he had hot a coal in his pants. Harry guessed it was supposed to be a dance of some sort and was quite intrigued by it. He became lost in watching the legs hopping around that he didn't even notice that Dumbledore had stopped all movement.

            "Something interesting?" Dumbledore asked with amusement, bringing Harry back to reality. Embarrassed Harry looked away, a flush rising in his cheeks. 

            "It's ok Harry. You can look," Dumbledore breathed stepping a step closer to the couch. He came closer and closer. Harry just sat there staring at him. Soon Dumbledore was mere inches from Harry's face. Harry started to close the distance…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            "Harry! HARRY! Wake up!" Ron screamed. 

            "Uh…what?!" Harry sat straight up. "What's going on?"

            "You fell asleep on your Potions homework," Hermione informed him.

            "Yeah…and you were mumbling about Dumbledore and something sexy," Ron noted eyeing Harry quizzically. 

            "Ah-hahahaha! Hahaha. Haha. Ha. Me?! Mumbling about Dumbledore and sexy! Ha! That's good," Harry laughed standing abruptly so that he knocked over the ink bottles on the table. Ron and Hermione looked at him with startled looks. 

            "Harry are you—"

            "Wow look at the time! I must be heading off to bed now! Got a big day tomorrow and all! Goodnight!" Harry practically screamed, his voice getting higher with each word. With this he ran across the common room and up the stairs into the boys dormitory. He needed to be alone to sort out the dream he was having. A million questions were running through his head. Why was he going to kiss Professor Dumbledore? Why was Dumbledore dressed like that? Why was he on a mountain? How come the couch felt like he was sitting on monkeys? Why was he having these dreams?! 

             Harry reached his bed and changed into his pajamas. As he climbed into bed without any intention of sleeping, he pondered these questions. For this wasn't the first time he had dreamt about Professor Dumbledore.

            So far this year, he'd only seen Professor Dumbledore at meal times and he wouldn't even catch his eye. He knew he was busy with the Order and everything but he could still talk to Harry if he saw him around. This bothered Harry tremendously for Professor Dumbledore he felt was the only one that truly understood him. So his dreams had been plagued not only by the long dark corridor but also by the professor. And they always had one constant. In the end Harry would be about to kiss him when he would wake up.  Harry lay there for some time more pondering what it all meant and when Ron walked in, he pretended to be asleep so he would be asked any questions. 

            As Harry drifted off to sleep, he couldn't help thinking that Professor Dumbledore _had _looked really good dancing like that.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

**A/N:** So…what did you think? I warned you! Those were some awful, awful mental images. But I had to, for Harry and Dumbledore!

So now you know what you must do. :-D Please review and no flames! Thank you!


	2. Strange Encounters

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything Harry Potter.

**Author's Notes:** Ah! Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad you guys are enjoying this. 

This chapter took me forever to think of where I wanted to go with it. It was misery. But I think I'm on a roll now with how it's going to go. And I have lots of ideas thanks to a certain sleepover my friends and I had. :-D 

So, anyway, here ya go. Chapter two! Yay! *does happy dance*

* * * * * * * * * * * *

_Chapter Two_

_Strange encounters_

            Harry awoke the next morning more confused as ever. He had another dream about Dumbledore, only this time he was a native from the jungle and you know how they dress. And of course, predictably, they were about to kiss when Harry awoke.

            Getting up and looking to see if Ron was still asleep, Harry wondered if he should go talk to Professor Dumbledore about his dreams but quickly dismissed the idea. _He'll probably think I'm crazy. That or I'm in love with him, Harry thought. Seeing that Ron wasn't there, and figuring he was in the common room, Harry proceeded to dress._

            As he climbed down the steps, a thought occurred to him. _Why was Ron up so early? It was a Saturday morning and Harry couldn't find any reason why Ron should be up at the crack of dawn. Starting to panic, Harry jumped the rest of the stairs and burst into the common room, earning him a few startled and quizzical looks. _

            Harry found Ron sitting in a corner whispering frantically to Hermione. Trying to act cool, Harry gracefully staggered-sauntered over to the two. 

            "Hey guys! What are you doing up so early on this fabulous day?" 

            "Harry!" Ron and Hermione yelled surprised. 

            "What are you doing up so early?!" Ron asked.

            "I asked you first," Harry replied.

            "Well….I was….See…" Ron stammered.

            "He woke up to you muttering about Dumbledore again and he came down to tell me," Hermione stated quite calmly. Ron glared at her. Harry gasped like a girl and started laughing insanely. 

            "Me! Mumbling about Dumbledore again! Hahaha! That's funny. Really it is. Not at all weird or anything," Harry laughed, darting his eyes here and there to see if anyone was listening.

            "Yes, you mumbling about Dumbledore," Hermione said.

            "What exactly did I say?" Harry asked. 

            "Well, a bunch of stuff. Most of it I couldn't figure out but I caught a few phrases," Ron answered.

            "Like…?"

            "Well…one thing I heard you say was, 'Professor, that loincloth, it looks good. Where can I find one like that?' and 'Stop that Professor! Do behave yourself!' and…yeah." Ron started blushing and turned away. Harry sat there shocked. Ron turned back and stared at him.

            "What does it mean?" he asked. Harry didn't know what to say. He didn't really feel like telling them about how he was having strange, sexual dreams that involved Professor Dumbledore. He supposed he was afraid they would think him weird. But it wasn't as if they meant anything.

            Realizing that they probably would stare at him funny for the rest of the day, he decided to tell them just enough to shake them off. 

            "Ok. Lately I've been having these weird dreams…." Harry proceeded to tell them about the Swiss and native jungle ones. 

            Through the explanation Hermione stared straight ahead taking in every word and analyzing it while Ron's expression went from mild interest to complete horror and disgust. Harry finished and looked at the two of them. Ron spoke first.

            "That…is…DISGUSTING! Oh my God! EWWW! That's so wrong! Ah! I can't look at him the same anymore! My brain! It's poisoned! AHH!"

             "Ron! Knock it off! You were the one that wanted Harry to tell you!" Hermione shouted over Ron's screams. Ron abruptly stopped.

            "Yeah! But I had no idea they were going to be like that!" Ron's reaction was just as Harry had feared. But he couldn't help feeling in the bottom of his stomach that it wasn't _that_ gross. 

            "So, what do you think they mean Harry?" Hermione asked, interrupting Harry's thoughts.

            "Um…I'm not sure exactly." All of a sudden, Harry didn't feel like talking about it anymore. He just needed some air. Using the excuse that he had to go clip his nails in the library, he left the common room and headed towards the grounds.

            Once out on the grass, Harry had a sudden urge to sing:

             "There was a distance between you and I, a misunderstanding once but now we look it in the eye! Life is a highway! I wanna' ride it all night long, if you're going my way, I wanna' ride it all night long! YEAH!" 

            Feeling much better knowing that he got that off his chest, Harry moved to thinking about his dreams and his life at the moment. Everything was hectic and just…terrible. Voldemort was back, OWLS were coming up soon, his nose was cold, classes with Umbridge were still useless and infuriating, he wasn't allowed to play Quidditch, and the treacle wasn't agreeing with his stomach, his scar prickled constantly now, he had a hangnail on his pinky that hurt like hell, and Dumbledore wasn't talking to him. The latter was what got Harry the most.  

            What had he done wrong? Did he smell? At this thought, he sniffed his armpits and declared himself smell free. Well then, what was it?! He couldn't think of anything he might have done that would make Dumbledore mad at him. Except maybe that one time…but it wasn't his fault! He didn't conjure up those elephants and set them to stampede the lake on purpose!  Dumbledore couldn't blame him for all the angry merpeople and the damage to their homes! _No, so it must be something else_, thought Harry. 

            Lost in thought, Harry wandered towards the Quidditch pitch, not really aware of where he was going. His feet carried him up the stands into the Gryffindor section of the seating and he sat down. Harry was in the middle of an extremely complex thought of what color socks to wear tomorrow when he thought he heard his name being called in the distance. Harry sat still and listened closely and decided that it was definitely his name being called even though it sounded like Berry. 

            Standing up, he looked around to see where it was coming from. He spotted someone standing on the front steps waving frantically at someone and calling their name. _Wow, someone really wants to talk to someone. …oh jolly good! It's me!_ Harry ran down the stands and towards the castle. The person calling started to run forward too. It slowly turned into one of those moments where beautiful love music plays and the two ran towards each other with their arms spread wide waiting to greet the other in a huge hug.

            The two were five feet away when they realized what exactly they were doing. Both stopped abruptly and their faces turned a deep crimson red. Harry looked up to see who this person was anyway and was shocked to see it was Snape. The professor looked up, stared at Harry then yelled, "Whatever floats your pencil sharpener!" Then he laughed insanely and ran off towards the castle leaving a stumped Harry behind. As he reached the steps he looked over his shoulder and shouted, "Oh yeah! Umbridge wants to see you…five minutes ago! Bwhahahaha!" and with that he ran inside.

            Harry stood there comprehending Snape's actions and then his words. His words…_Oh my God! He bolted up the lawn and into the castle. _

            He ran up the marble stairs as fast as he could to reach Umbridge's office. He was almost there when he turned a corner and ran into something very hard. Harry staggered backwards, tipped forward and fell. The thing that he ran into caught him in its arms. Looking up Harry could see some blue eyes before he passed out. 

            Harry awoke lying next to something very soft. Whatever it was felt warm. He wasn't able to open his eyes so he felt around him. He felt something like hair above his head. To his right he felt what he thought could be flesh but wasn't quite sure. It had a waxy feeling to it. He cracked open his eyes and could see sunlight streaming in the window across from him. 

            Madame Pomfrey came waddling over and noticed Harry looking towards the window.

            "Harry, dear! You're up! You had quite the nasty run-in!" Harry looked at her not understanding what she was saying. Then it returned to him. He was running to Umbridge when he had run into something hard and passed out. He wondered how long ago that was. And what was this laying next to him?! He turned over and took in the person. Then he gasped.

            "Professor Dumbledore?!"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

So what did you think? It's a cliff hanger! Bwhahaha! Alright then…

Please review! Thanks!


	3. Some Interaction

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything Harry Potter. The song came from the Space Jam soundtrack. Do not own that either.

**Author's Notes:** Well, another chapter so soon. Friends kept bugging me to write more so here it is. 

And just before school starts too! Argh, I can't believe it starts tomorrow. Craziness. 

I don't know if anybody knows the song that…some people…sing in this chapter but it comes from the Space Jam soundtrack. I was listening to it and decided that it had to be in this story somehow and so it is. 

Hmm…nothing else to say? Guess not. Alright then. Here is chapter three of Their Crazy Love.

*     *     *

Chapter Three

Some Interaction

            _Then it returned to him. He was running to Umbridge when he had run into something hard and passed out. He wondered how long ago that was. And what was this laying next to him?! He turned over and took in the person. He then gasped._

_            "Professor Dumbledore?!"_

* * * * * * * * 

            Harry stared into the face of the headmaster. But there was something funny about him. He wasn't blinking. And it didn't look like he was breathing. Harry, thinking he was dead, started screaming, "Professor?! PROFESSOR! Wake up! Wake up!!!" Tears started to swell in his eyes while he tried to hold the professor in his arms.

            "Please wake up! Please," Harry said as the tears threatened to fall. Madame Pomfrey, who had been making the bed next to Harry's turned and stared at him.

            "Um…Harry?" At this point Harry had started doing CPR on the headmaster. Curiously, every time Harry pressed down, Dumbledore's chest wouldn't recover. 

            "Breathe, breathe you stupid son of a bi—"

            "HARRY!" screamed Madame Pomfrey, "Don't you dare use that language in this place! And leave that alone! It's not alive!" Harry, who was trying to breathe in the man's mouth, which wouldn't open, stopped and slowly turned to face Madame Pomfrey.        "Not…alive? WHY?!?! How could you die on me like this?!" Harry screamed with the tears flowing steadily now. 

            "Harry! Calm down! It's not the professor! Or…not the real professor! It's a wax statue! _Calm down_ Harry!" For Harry had gone into hysterics and wasn't listening to the nurse. After much consoling from Pomfrey, Harry finally listened to what she had to say.

            "Wax eh? Not real eh?" Harry repeated.

            "Yes, not real," Madame Pomfrey repeated for the millionth time.

            "Oh, well I knew that. I was just…brushing up on my acting." 

            "Ah."    

            "Yes."

            "Hmmm…well I think you should stay here until at least lunch time and rest," Madame Pomfrey informed him. With that she walked into her office and closed the door, leaving Harry to wonder what a wax Dumbledore was doing in his bed. 

            Lunch time came quickly and before he knew it, Madame Pomfrey was telling him to hurry so he could make it to his afternoon classes. 

            Just as Harry was about to leave, the real Professor Dumbledore walked in. When the professor saw him he stopped in his tracks.

            "Harry. I didn't think you'd still be here." Harry looked at the professor and felt his anger rise.

            "Yeah, I am. You better be running now. You don't want to talk to me," Harry snapped while grabbing his things. When he looked back up he thought he saw a hint of sadness and hurt in the old man's eyes but it was gone in a second. 

            "I would love to talk to you Harry. Let's talk right now." Dumbledore walked over to a chair that was next to the bed Harry had occupied earlier and sat down. Harry watched the professor pick at his fingernails and couldn't help but sit down too. He couldn't stay mad at this magnificent man. 

            Sitting down on the bed, Harry turned to lie down but found the wax Dumbledore in his way. The real Dumbledore noticed and smiled.

            "Did you like the wax figure? I thought you would like some company when you woke up. That's the best I could do, I couldn't find a doll," Dumbledore said. 

            "Oh, yes. It was quite…interesting," Harry said with a genuine smile. Even though it had been quite strange at first, Harry liked it more and more throughout the day. 

            "Say, Professor, what happened? You know, in the hall?" Harry asked. Dumbledore looked up from his hands and studied Harry. He opened his mouth as to say something but then shut it. Harry shifted positions waiting for the headmaster to say something, anything. He was getting an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Like something happened between passing out and waking up in the hospital wing. But he couldn't figure out what. He was also getting a little dizzy.

            Dumbledore, who had been watching Harry the whole time, could tell that he was pondering something. That's when he realized that Harry didn't remember anything after running into him. Deciding that he must remember on his own, Dumbledore only said, 

            "Netugattuoeb snaeb yos" 

            Harry looked at the professor with squinted eyes.

            "What did you just say?" he asked.

            "Hmm?" inquired Dumbledore.

            "What did you just say?" Harry asked again.

            "What are you talking about? I didn't say anything." 

            "Yes you did! What did you say?!"

            "I didn't say anything! I don't know what you—_what are you doing_?!" shouted Dumbledore with a hint of fear in his voice. Harry had jumped up and now was standing atop the hospital bed in a Matrix-like pose. 

            "Tell me what you said!!" Harry screamed. 

            "Never!" shouted Dumbledore jumping up from his chair and pulling out a pair of nun chucks. Harry gasped and grabbed a ninja sword out of nowhere. Both glared at the other, daring them to move an inch. Harry did. 

            Dun dun dun!

            Dumbledore launched at Harry, swinging his nun chucks wildly above his head. Harry did a flip over Dumbledore and landed behind him laughing. 

            "Too slow old man!" 

            "Oh yeah?! Watch this!" Dumbledore proceeded to swing the nun chucks all over the place, doing nifty tricks with them when all of sudden…BAM! Dumbledore was smacked right in the face with his own weapon.

            "OW! That HURT!" Harry started laughing uncontrollably. Dumbledore stood there with his lower lip sticking out, pouting while holding his nose.

            "It's not funny! Stop laughing!" Dumbledore whined. 

            Tears were streaming down Harry's face. Gasping for breath, Harry was able to say, "That…was…so…FUNNY!" before he collapsed from another fit of giggles.   Dumbledore snapped his nun chucks threateningly. Harry stood so fast, his back broke. But he overlooked that small minor detail and advanced on the other man. He stopped when he saw the old man staring straight ahead muttering something. Dumbledore spoke louder and louder with each word.

            "Harry…Harry…wake up…Harry…"

            Harry sat up straight looking wildly around.

            "What? Huh? What happened?" He looked to his side and saw Dumbledore sitting there looking at him. 

            "YOU!" Harry screamed.

            "Me?" Dumbledore asked.

            "Wanna fight? Huh huh? Yeah that's what I thought." Dumbledore looked at him in mild surprise.

            "Harry…?"

            "What?"

            "…are you all right?" Harry looked at the professor next to him. He didn't look like he had hit himself in the face. And Harry didn't feel like he had a broken back. Harry started searching the room with his eyes looking for the sword and nun chucks when Dumbledore spoke again.

            "You were having a dream. In the middle of what I was saying I noticed you had fallen asleep. What were you dreaming?" Dumbledore asked with a twinkle in his eye.

            Harry had the feeling that Dumbledore already knew but told him that it was nothing. Dumbledore studied him for a minute then said,

            "Well, like I was saying, you were running around that corner fast and you ran right into me and were knocked out. So we…I mean, I brought you here to Madame Pomfrey and she took care of you."

            "How long ago did that happen?" Harry asked.

            "Oh, just this morning, don't worry, you haven't missed much." 

            "Oh…ok." Harry looked around slightly confused. Too much was happening all at once. He needed to just sit and think everything out. 

            "So…you may go down to lunch if you wish. I must go take care of a few things. Goodbye Harry." With that Dumbledore left. Harry finished getting his things and headed for the Great Hall.

            Lunch was quite uneventful. Harry was now sitting in the common room thinking about everything that had happened in the past few days while Ron and Hermione played wizard's chess. 

            Fred, George and Lee walked over to them and stepped on the two's game.

            "Hey!" shouted Ron.

            "Oh be quiet Ron," Fred remarked.

            "We want to show you guys something," said George. 

            "What?" Harry asked.   
            "Glad you asked!" Fred said. With this, Fred took a pair of what looked like bunny ears out and put them on his head. Then he put a rabbit nose with whiskers on. At the same time George was putting a duck bill and duck feet on while Lee put on a hunter's hat and some boots. Lee cleared his throat and said in the voice of Elmer Fudd,

            "Shh…now be very, very quiet. I'm hunting rabbit right now, ha ha ha ha, yeah."

            "Oh brother, right." George said while rolling his eyes. Then he began to rap in a voice just like Daffy, "Clap your hands to the beat, everybody just clap your hands to the beat. Alright fuzz face; let's see what you're made of." 

            Fred stepped up, cleared his throat and began to rap like Bugs.

            "Who got Bugs Bunny money? I give you some time, to get more carrots every time I rhyme. Can a mouse write this? Does he have long furry ears like this? Can he make hits like this? No, it's like Jordan at the plate, you're likely to miss!" 

            All three began moving around in a circle while Lee/Elmer laughed, pretending to be hunting rabbit and George glared at Bugs/Fred in true Daffy fashion.

            "Who says the bunny can't rhyme, you're buggin'. If Bugs don't make you hop, you're buggin'. Think this Space Jam gonna stop? You're buggin'. Yeah, we only buggin'," all three rapped. 

            "Peace to Lola, Daphne, Elmer Fudd, the Road Runner, drop a dust storm. Peace to Wiley Coyote, and Fog Leg Horn. Sylvester, Tweety, the rest of the gang, on three the Toon Squad got the best game. And after it's over we'll need a plan. What type of Mickey Mouse organization goes to Disneyland? Bugs for president, when I got your vote, time to keep partying. That's all folks!" Fred rapped complete with hand movements.

            The music played for a few more beats and then Lee and Fred posed, signaling the end of the song but George continued on,

            "That's enough of that, come down selector, rewind. I thought I told you that we won't stop, I thought I told you that we won't stop, I thought I told you that we won…Wait a minute, we're stoppin'. What is this? …Oh, so that's what's goin' on here. Let's all diss the duck." George looked put out that the song was over but posed none the less. All three waited for the applause. 

            Throughout the song the rest of the common room had stopped what they were doing and watched. Now everyone was standing in silence not sure what to think of it. Then a little clap was heard. Then another and soon the whole common room was clapping and hooting. Fred, George, and Lee looked pleased with themselves. 

            "How in the world did you come up with that? And why?" Harry asked laughing. His spirits seemed to lift and he found that he didn't care what was happening out in the world. 

            "Oh, we don't know. Just something that…popped into our heads," George answered with a sly smile. 

            The rest of the night was spent laughing at the twins and Lee's performance. As midnight rolled around, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the only ones left in the common room. 

            Harry had been staring into the fire for a long time and was shaken out of his thoughts of earlier today when Hermione asked him something. 

            "Huh? Sorry, I wasn't listening," Harry said.

            "I asked you what was wrong. You're really quiet," Hermione repeated. Harry looked up at her. He didn't know if he should tell them or not. But the small voice in his head telling him that they would think him a freak or something was screaming. So deciding against telling them he just shook his head, forced a smile and said it was all the homework. Hermione looked at him as if she didn't believe him but let it go. 

            Five minutes later Harry announced that he was going to bed. He asked if Ron was coming but he said that he was going to stay with Hermione for a little bit longer. Harry looked at the two of them noticing Ron's ears getting red and then headed off for the dormitories. 

            Once he reached his bed he undressed and threw on some pajamas. He wasn't really tired but he knew he needed some sleep. He was getting very little lately. He lay down and was slowly drifting off to sleep when he remembered drinking hot chocolate today. Before he could think about it more he was walking down the dark corridor. 

            Harry awoke the next morning feeling refreshed. He must have had an easy sleep he thought. _No dreams about Dumbledore last night_, thought Harry with a small smile on his face. Maybe he wasn't going insane.

            He dressed quickly and went down to the common room to find Ron and Hermione and head off to breakfast. When he reached the room he found that they weren't there. Assuring himself that they must already be down at breakfast, he took off for the Great Hall.

            He was about there when he turned a corner and almost ran into Professor Dumbledore again.

            "Professor!" Harry said in surprise.

            "Ah, Harry. Off to breakfast?"

            "Um…yeah. Are you going?"

            "Oh no, I must go take care of something," Dumbledore answered. Harry looked at the headmaster but he wouldn't meet his eye. A few minutes passed and Dumbledore cleared his throat. 

            "Well, I must be off." He started to walk away when Harry exclaimed,

            "Wait! Can I talk to you?" Dumbledore stopped but didn't turn around. He stood for a few minutes and then slowly, as if it were painful, turned to face Harry.

            "Not right now Harry. It was bad enough that we spent some…I mean," Dumbledore shot a nervous glance at Harry "I mean it was too much time just there in the infirmary." Harry's face fell. He knew Dumbledore was going to say something else and he was disappointed that he wouldn't talk to him or even look at him. 

            Dumbledore stood for a few minutes before saying a brusque goodbye and strode off. Harry stood for a few minutes before he himself started towards breakfast with an aching heart that he couldn't quite explain. 

            Reaching the Great Hall, Harry wasn't feeling so well and wanted to be alone. He turned and went out the front doors onto the grounds.

            He needed some air.  

*     *     *

Well there ya go. Chapter three. Aren't you just SO excited?! I'm sure you are. :-D

So please review! Thanks!

(School, I hates it.)


	4. Made Confessions

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything Harry Potter. Anything you recognize is not mine. 

**Author's Notes: **Yay! Finally! The fourth chapter! I know you've all been dying for it. I've just been too busy! But I got it finished.

I have to warn you, I have no idea what's in this chapter. I can hardly remember. It's 1:30 in the morning and so I've almost been up for 24 hours. I'm extremely tired. Please forgive me for this chapter. At least something's up. 

Sorry if there is any grammar mistakes. I don't really feel like reading through tonight. 

The whole Ron/Hermione thing. Wow. No idea where that came from. 

She's a Star, I can't believe you made me stay up and write this. ;-) And you're not even here! Wow! I'm done now, I swear. (Sorry, just get a little loopy when I haven't had much sleep.)

And yeah…I think that's it. Enjoy!

*     *     *

Chapter Four

Made Confessions

            About half an hour, which included a walk around the Forbidden Forest, three times around the lake, and twice around the Quidditch pitch, later, Harry headed inside. On his third way around the pitch he had realized he was starving. 

            He entered the entrance hall just as breakfast was over. The students poured out of the Great Hall, heading to their classes. Harry had Potions next, and not wanting to have to deal with Snape more than already, he rushed to get there early. 

            As he ran down the hall, he thought he heard his name being called. He stopped to listen and heard his name quite clearly this time. It sounded like it was coming from behind him. It was just a whisper that seemed to be getting louder and louder.

            "Harry…Harry…" 

            Harry turned and saw Snape trying to hide in the shadows but failing miserably. Snape continued to whisper Harry and was trying not to smile; laughing under his breath clearly convinced no one could see him. All of a sudden he jumped out and yelled, "BOO!" Harry screamed.

            "I scared you! I scared you!" Snape chanted quite joyfully. Suddenly he stopped, looked at Harry with narrow eyes which Harry returned, then took off running just as Harry did too. 

            "You can never make it to class before me!" screamed Snape.

            "Oh yeah?!" Harry returned with a burst of speed that put him in the lead. Snape lowered his head looking as if he was going to ram someone and shot ahead. The two were neck to neck, each pushing the other. Harry gave Snape a particularly hard push that made him run into the wall but Snape wasn't giving up. He pushed off the wall and ran after Harry, his arms pumping hard up in the air with his head leaning back giving him a extremely psychotic look about him. 

            Harry reached the door and threw it open and ran inside the classroom exclaiming, "YES! I WON!" The class looked at him when they heard the most awful scream they'd ever seen. Yes, that's right seen. 

            "NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T LOSE! WHY?! WHY?!?!?!?!" 

            The next moment Snape swayed into the classroom looking quite composed. Everyone looked at him.

            "What are you all looking at?" he asked. Everyone quickly went back to their work. Snape was about to start the lesson for the day when someone cleared their throat at the door to the classroom. 

             Everyone turned to see Auriga Sinistra standing there with a looking like she wanted to laugh but was desperately trying not to. 

            "Can I help you Professor Sinistra?" Snape asked looking as if he wanted to smile too. 

            "Oh, I was just up in my office in the tower and I heard this God-awful scream and I was just wondering if everything was alright." 

            "Everything is quite alright, thank you."

            "Are you sure? Because whatever it is, I can help," she said with a wink. Snape straightened a little bit and walked over to the professor.

            "No, I don't think I'll be needing any help," he said barely above a whisper. 

            "Well, if you're sure, I best be off. See you tonight." Sinistra turned in the door and began to walk out when Snape cleared his throat just a little. Sinistra stopped and turned back around. She looked at him for a second and then exclaimed,

            "Meeting at dinner of course! You know, not that we're going to meet tonight or anything." The last part was more directed towards the students than the professor. There was a moment of awkward silence as some hundreds of crickets played Allegro from Eine Kleine Nachtmusik composed by Mozart, which was quite inappropriate for the mood. Just as they were finishing, something happened. 

            It seemed someone's cauldron had exploded and its contents were flown everywhere. People were running screaming, their flesh melting off of them. Snape and Sinistra ran to try and help the students. Actually, more like Sinistra ran to help the students. Snape started screaming at the students in rage, spit flying from his mouth, trying to find out whose cauldron it was. When he got a hold of them, he was going to rip their hair out one by one, and tear their nails of—erm, right. The students. Might want to help them. 

            There was pandemonium in the classroom as people tried to find their friends and lovers. Ron and Hermione found each other and ran for a corner.

            "Where's Harry?" yelled Ron over the screams.

            "I don't know!" Hermione screamed back. Both searched frantically with their eyes to see if they could spot him among the crowd of students. They weren't having any luck. 

            "Where is he?!" Hermione screamed again, starting to panic. She began to run out into the crowd when Ron grabbed her arm.

            "Don't go out there! If one of them touches you, you'll melt too!" 

            "But I have to find Harry!" 

            "I'm sure he's fine! He can take care of himself! You need to be safe!"

            "But Harry!" Hermione cried. She struggled against Ron's hold, trying to get free. When Ron let go, she looked at him surprised. There was hurt in his eyes.

            "Are you snogging Harry?" he asked quietly.

            "WHAT?!" Hermione screamed so loud that momentarily everyone stopped what they were doing, not caring that their skin was falling off, and looked at the two. 

            "Are you and Harry…an item?" Ron asked, sounding like he was about to cry. Everyone went back to what they were doing, deciding it wasn't as important as staying alive. Suddenly everyone burst out into song, 

            "Staying alive, staying alive! Ah ah ah ah, staying alive!" Everyone went back to screaming.

            Hermione stood still for a few seconds before shouting over the noise,

            "No! Why would you think that?" All of a sudden, Ron's face grew hard, and he hushed Hermione with his fingers on her lips; he swooped Hermione up in his arms, leaned forward.

            "Hermione…" Ron whispered.

            "Yes, Ron?" Hermione asked. Ron leaned closer still and wiped an eyelash from her cheek. He let her go and stepped back. Hermione looked at him in shock.

            "You had an eyelash on your cheek." 

            "Oh," said Hermione blushing. She turned her body a little and leaned her head on one shoulder, a smile tugging at her lips. 

            "And, what made you notice it?" she asked batting her eyes.

            "Yeah…" Ron said with a look of confusion on his face which consequently killed the moment. Hermione's smile faded. 

            "Um…well, I'm going to…go find Harry now," Ron said.

            "I'll go with you." The two shuffled past one another and into the crowd looking for Harry. Five minutes passed and they had no luck.  By this time, the professors had calmed and restored about half the class. But Harry was still no where to be seen. And then,

            "There he is!" yelled Ron, pointing towards the dungeon door. And sure enough, there was Harry, leaning against the doorway. He looked not so hot. There were bruises all over his body and blood was running from his nose. Some of his flesh was missing from his arms. Most of these injuries had no connection to anything going on in the room.

            Ron and Hermione ran over to him and grabbed him by the arms just as he fell forward. He whispered something. Ron leaned closer, and told him to repeat it.

            "Tell…Professor…Dumbledore…I…need…to…talk…to…him." Harry let out a last breathe and fell silent. Before Hermione could do her huge sobbing heartbreak yell of no, Snape walked over to them and grabbed Harry.

            "What are you doing with him?!" Ron screamed, tears threatening to fall.

            "I'm just taking him to the hospital wing." 

            "Oh."

            Harry once again woke up in the hospital wing. He quickly looked to his sides to check if "anybody" was in bed with him. When he saw that no one was there, instead of feeling relieved, he felt a little sad. 

            While melting yesterday, or this morning, or a week ago, how ever long ago it was, something had struck Harry. It was an extremely powerful thought, therefore that's why he had those bruises. Anyway, it occurred to Harry why he was having the weird dreams. He finally understood and he even remembered what had happened after he ran into Dumbledore yesterday. And he needed to talk to Dumbledore. Badly. Just then Dumbledore walked into the room. 

            "Dumbledore!" Harry exclaimed before he could stop himself.

            "Hello Harry," Dumbledore said, sitting in a chair next to Harry. Harry didn't say anything. He didn't know where to start. 

            "So…this chair is very uncomfortable," Dumbledore stated. Harry looked at him. What was he saying? Dumbledore looked at him and smiled.

            "It's worth the risk," he mumbled.

            "What was that?" Harry asked. Dumbledore cleared his throat.

            "You seem to be okay, why don't we go up to my office?" 

            "Alright." Harry, proceeded to get out of bed, realized he was only in his boxers and jumped back under the covers. Dumbledore obediently turned his back to Harry but not before winking at him. 

            Dumbledore walked over to his desk and sat down. He motioned for Harry to sit too which Harry did. Dumbledore crossed his hands and looked at Harry for a fleeting second then turned his gaze to just above Harry's shoulder.

            Harry was becoming uncomfortable with the silence and was about to ask how the professor's day was when Dumbledore spoke.

            "So, you remember." It took Harry a second before he realized what Dumbledore was talking about.

            "How did you know?" he asked. Dumbledore merely smiled and remained silent. Harry waited for more and when none came, he spoke again.

            "Yes, I remember what happened. But first off, how long had I been in the hospital wing?" he asked.

            "You were admitted to the wing yesterday morning and don't worry. Everybody is ok."

            "That's good. What time is it now?" 

            "It's 7 at night." A silence fell over the room as the two thought about what to say next. Many of the portraits were snoring softly, while a few others were awake listening to the conversation below. This was making Harry uneasy also. He didn't really want all these people knowing about this. 

            "Harry," Dumbledore spoke softly, "tell me what you remember from after you knocked into me." 

            "Well…I remember waking up in your bed…"

~ * ~

_            Harry looked around the room. The walls were covered in a mixture of all the house colors but with gold and red standing out the most. _

_            The bed was fluffy and it felt nice laying there on the pillows. He could lay here forever…_

_            The bedroom door opened and Dumbledore walked in carrying a tray of tea and biscuits. He looked over at the bed and saw Harry laying there wide-eyed._

_            "Awake already? I just brought you in here!" Dumbledore said smiling. Harry looked at him trying to figure out what was going on. Seeing the confusion on his face, Dumbledore proceeded to explain._

_            "You just ran into me and you got knocked out so I brought up to my chambers so you could lay in a soft bed instead of those things at the hospital wing." _

_            "Oh..."_

_            "Tea and biscuits?"_

_            "Sure…" Dumbledore brought the tray over to the bed as Harry sat up and placed it between them. Harry grabbed a biscuit and took a bite while Dumbledore helped himself to a cup of herbal tea. They sat like this, eating and drinking in a comfortable silence, for a little bit._

_            Then Dumbledore broke the quiet._

_            "Harry, there's something I want to tell you. I don't know how to say it but it must be said. Harry…I love you. I love you more than a student. Or a son." Harry dropped his tea, spilling it all over his legs. But he didn't seem to notice. Dumbledore's words were still running through his head. Did he really just hear what he thought he heard? Did Dumbledore just say he loved him? Harry's mind was racing._

_            Dumbledore set his tea down and looked at Harry expectantly. _

_            "I…um…erm…" Harry stuttered. He had no idea what to say. This was crazy. This was so unexpected. It was too much. He jumped up out of bed, scattering the contents on the tray all over the bed._

_            "I better be…going. Yeah, going. People are probably wondering where I am," he said hurriedly. Dumbledore's face fell._

~ * ~

            Dumbledore suddenly cleared his throat and wiped at his eye, pretending it was only something in his eye. He looked at Harry and said to continue.

~ * ~ 

_            "Yes, yes. People probably are. Here let me help you get your things," Dumbledore said, his voice cracking a little. He grabbed Harry's bag and handed it to him. As Harry reached out distractedly, their hands touched and both stopped moving. There was something there, both had felt it. Harry began to blush. He grabbed his bad, said a hurried goodbye, turned and SMACK! ran right into the door. He swayed for a second and then fell back into Dumbledore's arms._

_            "Harry? Harry, are you alright?" Dumbledore asked, looking at each of Harry's eyes. He had been knocked out again. Dumbledore picked him up and took him to the hospital wing._

~ * ~ 

            Harry looked at the headmaster. He was blinking rapidly and looking away from Harry. 

            "I never responded…did I?" Harry asked quietly.

            "No, you never did." 

            Harry let the answer sink in and then asked the question that had been plaguing him, if only subconsciously until recently, for a long time.

            "Professor, why?" Dumbledore looked at Harry's face with an inscrutable expression. It was a few more seconds before he answered.

            "Why? I truly don't know. I just do. I can't explain, the love is just there." Harry sat there in silence.

            "Professor? I love you," Harry said so softly that Dumbledore had to ask for a repeat. 

            "I love you Professor Dumbledore," Harry said louder. Dumbledore looked taken back at this. He studied Harry for a few minutes and then his face broke into a wide grin.

            "I love you too Harry Potter." Harry grinned. 

            "Professor—" 

            "Please, call me Albus." Harry said the name, seeing how it sounded, and continued.

            "Albus," Harry giggled at using the name, "I want you to know that I've loved you for a long time. Maybe not consciously but subconsciously. I've been having strange dreams about you for the past few weeks that always end with you and me almost kissing." Harry sort of laughed.

            "I thought I was nuts. But now I know the truth. I love you." Dumbledore had tears welling in his eyes. This is all he ever wanted to hear from Harry.

            "I'm so happy that you feel the same. You have no idea how much that means to me," Dumbledore choked out. Harry stood up and walked around the desk and sat in Dumbledore's lap. They sat like that for awhile, grinning stupidly at each other. 

            Harry was playing with Dumbledore's hair when Dumbledore asked with a twinkle in his eye, "Harry, would you like to finish your dreams?" Harry stared at him with a small smile on his lips. 

            "I would love to," he whispered. They leaned towards each other, inching closer and closer. 

            "Wait!" Harry exclaimed pulling back. "We have to do this true snogging style," he said with a mischievous grin. Dumbledore looked at him and then his face lit up with understanding.

            Harry and Dumbledore tip-toed through the halls. It was well past ten and everyone was in bed. They were looking for a broom closet and weren't having any luck. It seemed that when you wanted to find one you couldn't but if you weren't looking, they were everywhere.

            "I think there's one on the fourth floor," Harry whispered giggling. Dumbledore gripped Harry's hand harder.

            "Lead the way Capitan," whispered Dumbledore. 

            They journeyed up to the fourth floor and soon found a broom closet. Harry crept up to the door and slowly turned the doorknob. But it was locked. Dumbledore mumbled something about Filch locking the doors so people like them couldn't get in. He murmured the spell to unlock things and the door clicked open. Harry grabbed the handle and pulled. 

            Suddenly, two gasps and two screams filled the air. Inside the broom closet there stood Snape and Sinistra partially dressed with their arms around each other. Harry stopped screaming and covered his eyes as Sinistra stopped screaming also. 

            "My eyes! They've been burned! I can't believe I just saw…_that!" Harry whined._

            "Shut it Potter! She isn't _that ugly!" Snape snapped while trying to cover himself. Sinistra turned and glared at him._

            "I think he was talking about you," she shot at him.

            "That's ridiculous. Anyway, let's pretend no one saw anything and—wait a minute. What are _you two doing?" Snape asked narrowing his eyes. Harry looked at Dumbledore and then at the other two. _

            "Nothing! We were just…taking a stroll..." Harry said quickly. Snape sneered at him, not believing a word he said.

            "Exactly. And I'm quite sure we know what you two were doing," Dumbledore said with a little laugh. Both Snape and Sinistra blushed.

            "Well," Snape said clearing his throat, "I think we can all just forget what we saw here tonight. Alright?"

            "Right," the rest mumbled. 

            Snape and Sinistra gathered their clothes and headed off in opposite directions after more threats from Snape of what he would do to them if they told anyone. Harry and Dumbledore stood in another silence for a minute or two before Dumbledore cleared his throat and announced that Harry should get to bed as he had classes the next day. So Harry headed off towards the Gryffindor dormitory after a tight hug from Dumbledore. 

            This had been an excellent night he thought as he reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. 

*     *     *

So…yeah. What did you think? Crazy? Yes, I would think so.

I'll start on chapter five soon I hope. But for now, please review! :-D


	5. Betrayal

**Disclaimer: Must I? Ok, no I do not own Harry Potter. Do not own anything you recognize.**

**Author's Note: Well, here ya go! Short and choppy and it's not the best but I wanted to put something out. I might rewrite it in the future we'll see.**

Again, as I'm writing this with half a brain, can't really remember what's in here. And illustrations! We have illustrations! 

If you're interested in seeing them, please email me. They were drawn by my good friend Rachel (Arsenic Kiss on Ff.N).

So anyway, without further ado, chapter five!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

_Chapter 5_

_Betrayal_

            Harry trudged out of potions the next day not in a very nice mood. Snape had been especially annoying today, if that was possible; dropping hints that he knew Harry had told everyone since they keep looking at him and snickering. Harry would have loved to inform him that the real reason they were laughing at him was because he had a huge booger hanging from his nose that was quite disgusting but never got a chance as every time he opened his mouth Snape would take points off.

            Harry walked down the corridor, realizing that Ron and Hermione weren't with him. Lately they had gone off with each other by themselves which bugged him. But not as much now since he and Dumbledore had finally come out of the closet…with their feelings. They would probably be seeing much more of each other over the next few days. 

            With this thought, Harry's face lit up as he turned from going to the Great Hall to head towards Dumbledore's office. His anticipation as to what was going to happen made the walk seem like it took 23843aefl23,*@!,#32,452,3lk,sdf,ljm,234,ka3 years. Finally he reached the stone gargoyle and spoke the password ("_Harry's my friiiieeennndddd_"). Just as he was about the climb the stairs an idea struck him. Very hard just like last time so that bruises randomly showed up on his arms. Rubbing them, he muttered aloud, stamped his feet, crowed like a roaster, and scratched his head, thinking his idea out.

            He came to the conclusion that his idea, would in fact, work. He rushed from the gargoyle down to the kitchens. Reaching the painting, he tickled the pear and dashed inside. House-elves that were about to walk out were smashed to the wall and sank to the floor screeching with agony. The rest stared at Harry like he was a mad-man. Maybe he was but he didn't care. He only had two hours to get his idea done before Dumbledore came to find him. 

            "Quick! Get me eggs! Milk! CAKE BATTER! For God's sake, hurry it up man!" Harry screamed at the house-elves. All stood in silence. Harry gave them the mad-man look. Then all hell broke loose. Elves ran in every direction, running into pots, into each other, into table legs, and even into the fire. Stupid house-elves. 

            After the others mourned the loss of their fellow elf-mates for a second, they ran and retrieved the ingredients Harry demanded. When asked what he wanted them to do with them, Harry grabbed the ingredients out of their arms and told them to leave.

            "But…but…sir, we need to make dinner," one house-elf stammered. 

            "So? The school can wait for dinner for a few hours. This is important." He ushered all the elves out of the kitchen and turned back to the counter. He proceeded to grab a bowl, some beaters, and a pan.

            The next hour Harry slaved over his project, starting over five times because he hadn't added the right amount of cheese or milk or egg whites. Finally he had the right amount of everything and had put his concoction in the oven. Now that it was finally cooled, Harry began decorating it which took about another hour.

            Once Harry had finished he cleaned up the kitchen as best as he could and headed off to the place where he and Dumbledore were supposed to meet. On his way out he passed all the house-elves who quivered in fear. But actually, they shook with laughter at the sight of Harry holding his lopsided…thing. 

            "What is _that?" one of the asked._

            "It's something for Dumbledore!" Harry said defensively. He turned on his heel and stalked away, swinging his hips.

            Soon Harry reached the meeting place. He stood outside the door to the Room of Requirement hoping that Dumbledore hadn't arrived yet. Opening the door he saw he was the first one there. Looking around he saw the red heart-shaped bed with a built in massage, the one man bath that you could squeeze two in if you sat just right, and the chest of toys next to the bed. 

            Harry smiled and stood with the cake that read, "Happy 150-year-old Lover Day!" waiting for Dumbledore to arrive.  He looked around some more and noticed something different about the table. It looked like something was roughly shoved under some papers. Harry set the cake down on the counter that was part of a little kitchen they had and walked over to the mess. 

            Lifting up a few papers he saw a flash of red. Prodding more, he pulled out what looked like a red thong with a…slinky attached? Before he could question it more the door burst open and Dumbledore stepped through looking positively crazy. 

            "Harry! I've been…crazy about you. That was too long a wait to see each other. C'mon, let's have some fun. Let's play with our toys!" Dumbledore took a step towards Harry and immediately turned back into normal Dumbledore.

            "Harry, how are ya cuz?! Long time, no see! Whatcha been up to?! I've been working on Pa's farm lately, helping with the chicks and moos. Mad moos." Harry stared at him.

            "Um…sorry about that. Just finished watching The Wizard of Oz. Funny movie that," Dumbledore said in his British-accent-that-seemed-to-have-gone-through-a-shredder voice. Harry smiled. Dumbledore and his movies, chuckled Harry to himself. 

            "Here, I made you something," Harry said as he reached for the cake sitting on the counter. Dumbledore took it and read it as tears welled up in his eyes.

            "Thank you Harry. This is beautiful," Dumbledore choked out. The two looked at each other with loving eyes.

            "Well! Let's have some!" 

            "But I can't! It's just too beautiful!" Dumbledore protested.

            "I'll make you a new one Cupcake."

            "You promise, Sugarcakes?" 

            "Promise." They shared another loving smile accompanied by a quick kiss. 

            For the next hour Harry and Dumbledore ate cake, played with G.I. Joes from their toy box, and laid on the bed with the massage on. 

            The massage was in a comfortable silence but now that it was over, the silence was quickly becoming awkward.

            "So…" Harry said.

            "So." Dumbledore replied. They sat in another silence. Dumbledore, or should I say CUPCAKE! was about to say something when a house-elf ran out of the fireplace, one of the elves that ran into the fire in the kitchen.

            "You! You're alive!" exclaimed Harry.

            "Wow! What a trip!" squeaked the elf excitedly. Then he dropped dead. The two…men stared at each other, then the elf, then each other, then the elf, then each other, then the elf, then each other, then the elf, then the cutting board. It had a lovely design on it. Just then another elf ran out of the fire. 

            "Sir! Sir! The squeezycheese needs me! …I mean you," coughed the elf. Dumbledore jumped off the bed and looked at the elf.

            "What's happened?" he asked quickly moving towards the elf in a jerky, ants-in-the-pants way. "Tell me man! What's happened?!" he yelled, grabbing the elf by the neck.

            "Nothing…just…a…mandatory…meeting…" the elf managed to get out before dying from lack of oxygen. With a swish of his wrist, Dumbledore brought the elf back to life, apologized, thanked him and then kicked him into the fire sending him on his way. He turned back to Harry. Harry stared at him, a little surprised at what he just saw. But he was more upset; this all meant Dumbledore had to leave. 

            "Profess—"

            "Albus. Please." 

            "Albus, do you really have to go?"

            "I'm afraid so Sugarcakes. It's important and I forgot I had to be there."

            "Well, I'll wait for you then."

            "No, Sugarcake, you have to go back to your dorm. We don't want anybody to get suspicious. I'll send you a message soon of when we can see each other again." Without waiting for a response Dumbledore turned and walked into the flames of the fire. 

            Harry sat silently for awhile thinking about the events earlier until he realized what time it was. Midnight to be exact. He was going to have to be careful getting back to his dorm. Mrs. Norris and Filch could be anywhere. He stood, then it hit him. He could just use the fire! And before going to his room he could stop by and wish Dumbledore a good-night. 

            Delighted by the idea of seeing Dumbledore again, Harry quickly cleaned the room, putting everything away neatly. He then grabbed some floo powder, threw it into the fire, stepped in and shouted, "Headmaster's office!" He was spun and spun and then all of a sudden landed with a soft thump on the fireplace floor.

            What greeted Harry's eyes was definitely _not_ what he wanted to see. All he cared to see now was Snape's arms around Dumbledore's neck and Dumbledore's arms around Snape's waist. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it. Tears threatened to fall.

            Just then the two noticed Harry's presence. They quickly let go of one another and stepped in opposite directions. Harry's face clearly showed pain. So much pain in fact that his face was contorted to make him look like he just swallowed five, not ten, but five lemons. Snape sneered at the boy, but it was a laughing sneer. Half-laugh, half-hatred. Or it could have been half-hatred half-laugh. Or maybe even, half ha-ha-I-got-you-good and half-laugh. Whatever it was, Harry didn't like it. He was about to charge when Dumbledore spoke.        

            "Harry. It's not what it seems. I swear. We were just…I mean…well you see, Snape had something in his mouth, so that's why we looked like we were kissing. But we weren't! I was helping him get something out of his mouth!"

            "I didn't see any kissing," Harry said, hurt coating his tone. 

            "Oh! Then I was just kidding. But the arms thing. It was just a 'Hey, good luck!' hug thing. Totally platonic," Dumbledore said, a look of despair becoming increasingly clear on his face. Then somebody chuckled. Harry and Dumbledore looked over to see Snape laughing, trying to keep it quite. But he couldn't any longer.

            "Mwhahahahahahahaha! I'm Albus' hunnybunch now Potter! Mwhahahaha!" With that he ran from the office cackling like a maniac. He was a maniac, a maniac! 

            Harry turned back to Dumbledore, hatred building inside of him.

            "How could you? How could you do this to me?" Harry asked, barely able to restrain himself from screaming.

            "Harry, please, it's nothing—"

            "Nothing?! NOTHING?! I just saw you with your arms around that…that…_hussy!" screamed Harry. Dumbledore looked shocked. No, he was more than shocked; he was offending-ly shocked. _

            "Harry!"

            "I don't want to hear it anymore. We're through. Goodbye Professor!" Harry turned on his heel and stalked from the room.  

            It had been a few days since the "incident" and Harry still hadn't talked to Dumbledore. Sure Dumbledore tried but Harry just ignored him and went on his way. When Harry had come back to the dorm angry and about to cry that night, he spilled his guts to Hermione who had stayed up waiting for him. Now that he had someone to talk to it was easier to breath. He hated living with their relationship. Oh excuse me, their ex-relationship without someone to tell it all to. 

            Christmas break was fast approaching and Harry was beginning to dread it. It seemed everyone would be leaving him alone to stew in his misery and other things about his life. Hermione was going on a skiing trip with her parents, Ron was going to the Burrow. Almost everyone else was going home to their families. Harry just wanted to be with his best friends on Christmas. That's all. 

            It was lunch time and Harry was starving. He, Ron, and Hermione were coming from Care of Magical Creatures where Hagrid seemed to have quite a few new bruises and cuts that he refused to explain. The trio were just reaching the doors to the Great Hall when Dumbledore stepped through them. He looked at each in turn. Then his eyes rested on Harry.

            "Harry, can I please have a word with you?" he asked. Harry didn't look up but replied coldly,

            "Sorry Professor, but I'm starving and don't think I can live a minute longer without food. Can't it wait?" Not bothering to wait for an answer Harry started to walk into the hall when Dumbledore reached and grabbed his upper arm.

            "No, it can't."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Yes, yes, another eventful chapter. 

And a short one. I promise I'll make it up with the next one. Or at least I'll try to. :-D

So you know the deal, please review! I'd be eternally grateful. Thanks!


	6. Santa Comes to Town

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to J.K. Rowling and anything else you recognize I don't own.

**Author's notes:** It's here! It's finally here! Yay! And it's dedicated to She's a Star and Storm for their birthday's.

Sorry it's rushed at the end, but I was trying to get it done it time. :-S Maybe I can go back and fix it someday. :-D It probably doesn't make any sense either. 

Also, this isn't proofread so sorry for any errors. 

And so without further ado, chapter six!

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**Chapter Six**

**Santa Comes to Town**

            Dumbledore led Harry into the nearest classroom. He closed the door behind them and went over to one of the desks that were piled on top of another. Dumbledore grabbed one and set it down, motioning for Harry to sit. Harry did no such thing. Instead he crossed his arms and stared at the other man sternly. He was determined not to back down and forgive for at least another twenty years. Dumbledore would probably still be alive, thought Harry sourly. Hermione thought that was unreasonable but Harry didn't. It was quite reasonable for what Dumbledore did. To betray him like that, especially with that poor excuse for a raving loch ness monster.

            Sensing that Harry wasn't going to budge, Dumbledore seated himself in the desk instead. He took a minute to straighten the top that somehow broke off when he set it down. 

            "I don't know to say this Harry, so I'm just going to come out and say it." He took a few breaths and stared ahead. 

            "Mirror, mirror on the wall, damn I sure look fine. I can't blame those horny boys, I would make me mine. When I pass you in a club, 'Oh la la!' you gasp. Back up boy, I ain't your toy or your piece of ass," Dumbledore sang. 

            Harry didn't know what to say. This was, to say the least, the most beautiful apology he'd ever heard before. But no! He would not back down. 

            "Ok…but I still don't forgive you," Harry stated firmly. 

            "Oh please! I worked on that for so long!" 

            "I don't care, it didn't work," Harry said, sticking his nose in the air. Dumbledore looked heartbroken. But he was far from it.

            "Dammit! I worked on that for hours and hours! Do you know how much stress I went through to come up with that apology?! Do you?! And look at it! It's ruined! My beautiful fur coat my father gave me!" he yelled, pulling a fur coat from his pocket and petting it.  Guilt swept over Harry. 

            "I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

            "Sure you didn't!"

            "You're right, I didn't! And I never will! You broke my heart Albus! Broke it with that miniature hammer of yours! I'm not going to stand for it anymore! I can do better!" Harry stared daggers at Dumbledore, who was sitting picking at his nails.

            "Did you know that you can die if you eat a slug?" Dumbledore asked. 

            "See! Look at you! You don't listen to me! Never!" Harry screamed in frustration. Dumbledore looked up from his nails and became macho serious man.

            "I'm sorry Harry. You're right. It's just…I'm trying to deal with everything at once right now. It's tough. I wanted to talk to you about the other day. It's not what you think." Harry scoffed. 

            "Oh I know exactly what was going on. No need to tell me!"

            "No! It's not like that. Please, listen. How about we go to my office and have some tea and I can explain it all," Dumbledore offered hopefully. 

            "How about not. I don't want to ever see you again Albus Wulfric-Brian-what-the-hell-too-long-of-a-name Dumbledore!" With that, Harry turned and stormed out of the classroom leaving Dumbledore standing there stunned. Or maybe he was sitting. Who knows, Harry left in such a rush the camera couldn't get a shot.

            Harry walked into the Great Hall and looked around. He tried to calm his racing heart before he sat with his friends. He didn't want them to see how mad and sad and glad and bad and rad he was feeling…ad. 

            He noticed Hermione slouched down whispering something to Ron. There was an empty seat between them that he headed towards. Just then he noticed Seamus Finnigan walking to the same seat. Well nobody takes Harry's seat. Nobody. Harry picked up his pace and sent telepathic messages to Seamus hoping that he got them or it would be a bloody lunch today. 

            Seamus noticed Harry's quickened pace and decided to make this challenge. He walked just a bit faster also. Harry sped up some more, shooting glances over at Seamus making sure he wasn't getting ahead. Seamus did the same. Faster and faster they went until they both broke out in a flat out run. 

            Both boys reached the chair at the same time and stood staring at each other, daring the other to try and sit down first. Seamus sat down.

            "Wait! I wasn't ready!" Harry exclaimed. Seamus just shrugged his shoulders. 

            "I said I wasn't ready; now get out of my seat!" Harry yelled. The other boy still did not budge.  

            "Fine, you left me no choice." Harry bent down and grabbed the bottom of the chair and pulled. Seamus fell to the floor with a loud thud. He stood up rubbing his bum.

            "What the hell was that for?! You could have asked nicely! I would have given it to you! Why do you have to be so mean all the time? What happened? You used to be nice!" By this time Seamus was in tears. He ran from the room holding his face in his hands. 

            During Seamus' crying fest the rest of the Great Hall had turned and stared at them. Now they were giving Harry death glares. Harry shifted from his right foot to his left uncomfortably.

            "Er…riiiiight." With that he sat down.  

            "That was really mean Harry," Hermione scolded.

            "Yeah mate, he is your friend, isn't he?" Ron asked.

            "Hmm. That was pretty mean huh? Yeah I think it was. Maybe I should go apologize…I'll do it later," Harry said, starting to pile food on his plate.

            "Yes, you should," Hermione said, still scowling. Harry continued to pile food onto his plate, making sure to get one of everything. Once that was accomplished, Harry dug in. After five bites of the same pickle, Harry stopped. 

            "He had it comin'! If you'd been there you would have done the same!" Harry shouted at the top of his lungs. Then he burped.

            "Sorry, just felt I needed to justify myself," he murmured. Everyone stared. Hermione cleared her throat and threatened them all with point deductions. Not that she would really do that and all. …or maybe she would. Bwhahaha! Erm, right. 

            Slowly everyone went back to their lunch. Hermione looked at Harry to find him concentrating hard building the castle out of pickles, cheese, and dust flavored salt. 

            "Harry, what are you doing?" she asked. 

            "Shh! I'm…almost…voila! Done! Ain't it beautiful?" Harry asked wiping a tear from his eye. "Well, ain't it?!" He looked to his sides and noticed Ron staring straight ahead with a funny look on his face. 

            "What's wrong with you?" Harry asked him. Ron didn't answer so Harry looked to Hermione. Harry opened his mouth to ask her what was wrong when Ron spoke. 

            "You know Harry, Hermione was just telling me about you and Professor Dumbledore. Sounds like a…" he shot a look at Hermione who narrowed her eyes, "great relationship there. I mean, when does somebody find…true love in a…150 year old." Ron tried to smile but failed miserably. Harry didn't notice. He was looking at Hermione. 

            "You told him? You told him?!" 

            "Oh please Harry. He's our friend, it's not like I went and told Draco or something."     

            "You WHAT?! You told Draco?! Oh my God, do you know what that means?! He's going to try and steal him away!"

            "Harry! Calm down! I said I _didn't_ tell him! My gosh!" 

            "Oh…"

            "Look, Ron is our friend. He won't tell anyone. Will you Ron?" Hermione shot a glance at Ron. He looked over and managed a smile this time.

            "'Course not. Why would I? Harry's my friend," Ron said, this time with a successful smile. But sadly, it did not last. Ron exploded.

            "Harry! What are you thinking?! One-hundred and fifty years old! 1-5-0! 150! Do you know how wrong that is?! What do you guys do in your free time? Oh God, forget I asked. Oh bad mental pictures. I need soap. Wash my mind out. 150! Ahhh!" Ron stopped and took a breath. "Er…sorry. I just—" Ron was cut off by a terrible shout. 

            "Well! Look who thinks he can judge, Mr. Snooty-pants! And where have you been all this time?! Huh? You and Hermione are always gone! What am I _supposed to do? Just sit and wait for you guys to get back?! Not I mister! I'm going to go out and Dumbledore cares about me!" Harry stopped. A pained look crossed his face. "At least…I thought he did." Silence fell upon the three, squishing them to the ground. Pushing up, they managed to get it off of them. _

            "Harry…we're sorry. We don't mean to ditch you like that," Hermione whispered. Harry shrugged his shoulders.

            "What have you guys been doing anyway?" he asked. Hermione looked at Ron. Ron looked at Hermione. The two looked at each other. They were looking at each other. Ron's eyes were on Hermione's face. Hermione's gaze rested on Ron. Ron shot a glance at Hermione. Hermione stared at Ron. 

            "Hmm…well, you see, Ron here…"

            "Don't start like that Hermione!" 

            "Fine then! You tell the story!"

            "Ok I will! Ahem. It all started a few weeks ago. We were in Charms when an idea struck me. I was having a hard time remembering what I had for breakfast and that's when the idea hit me. What if I made hats that helped you think? It was brilliant! But I couldn't get the magic right by myself so I asked Hermione here to help me. But I made her keep it a secret because I didn't want anyone laughing at me."

            "Why would they laugh at you?" Harry asked.

            "I don't know…they might," Ron responded. 

            "Oh. Well have you got any made?"

            "Yeah, I have a few models. I have the Happy Chicken hat. That one doesn't seem to work as well as the ski jump one though. And it's cool. The ski jump one, you can have little people jumping off. It's quite big actually so normal size people could almost jump off. There's also the cheese spray one. That one's good for remembering whose birthday is coming up. Just the other day I put it on and I remembered that Charlie's birthday was in a few days. And there's the sunflower seed hat. Now that's an interesting one…" Ron continued to ramble on for a few minutes before Harry jumped in.

            "So…you guys have been sneaking off to make these…hats and didn't tell me? Why?"

            "I don't know…I guess I thought you would think I was stupid or something," Ron said with a slight blush.

            "I would never think that. We're friends, and frankly, I think that's a cool idea."

            "Really?"

            "Yeah."

            "Oh. Well then…I don't really think you and Dumbledore is disgusting. I was just kidding you know," Ron said with a nervous laugh. Harry smiled at him.

            "It's ok. I know it's a little strange but…I'm happy."

            "And that's all that counts," Hermione put in. Ron nodded. 

            "Friends?" Ron asked holding out his hand. Harry took it and nodded his head yes. 

            "Of course."

            Christmas was about on them. Hermione had plans to go skiing with her parent's and Ron was going to go home to the Burrow. Harry on the other hand, didn't have any plans and was starting to feel left out. He would love to go with Ron or even Hermione but neither had asked him to join them. 

            Harry was starting to feel a little low when one day the three of them were talking about break and Ron mentioned that Harry was coming with him to the Burrow. This raised Harry's spirits until the night he had the nightmare.

            So now Mr. Weasley was in the hospital and Harry and Ron were at the headquarters. Christmas was in a few days and Harry noticed how much happier Sirius seemed to be. 

            The day before Christmas Sirius approached Harry.

            "You know, tonight is Christmas Eve. Isn't that exciting?! I can't wait for Santa to come!" he exclaimed with a wink at Harry. Harry was quite confused as he knew Santa was not real and he thought Sirius knew that too. But whatever floats your boat.

            That night after everyone had gone to bed, Harry snuck downstairs to get something to eat. His stomach was growling like mad. He snuck into the kitchen only to jump back through the door.

            He stepped back in. There, sitting at the table, was Santa. Harry crept forward, trying not to make a sound but to no avail. He knocked over a pot, a spoon, a coat hanger, and a soup bowl. Santa seemed to know that this was going to happen for he did not move. He just looked up at Harry and smiled. Harry knew that grin…and those glasses…and that beard.

            "Professor Dumbledore?! What are you doing?" Harry exclaimed.

            "Just having some tea. Won't you join me?" Dumbledore asked. Harry sat down.

            "What are you doing dressed as Santa?"

            "Oh this? I found it in my attic last night, thought I'd try it on." Then something occurred to Harry.

            "Sirius knew you were coming didn't he? That's why he told me Santa was coming tonight…"

            "Yes, he did. I want to talk to you Harry. And I don't want you running off. Please, just listen to me, will you?" Dumbledore pleaded. Harry didn't know if it was the pleading tone in his voice or if he was just stuck looking at Santa Dumbledore but he stayed where he was.

            "Ok. Let's talk."

            "Alright. Cookie? Milk? It's quite tasty."

            "Yes, please." Harry grabbed the milk and cookies that Dumbledore had outstretched to him. 

            "So…how are things?" Harry asked.

            "Things have been sad. I've missed you Harry. I've missed your laugh, your eyes, your nose, and your glasses. I've even missed your little toe. It's so cute, by the way. Anyway, I want you to know that nothing is going on between me and Professor Snape." Harry scoffed. Dumbledore looked into the fire, hurt written all over his face. 

            "No really, there isn't. Professor Snape had a peanut stuck in his mouth and I was just helping him to get it out. Truly." Harry glance into the fire also.

            "Then why did he say that when he ran out of the room?" 

            "He was just trying to push your buttons. You know how he is."

            "Yeah…so, you were just saving his life?"

            "Yes. It was nothing more. I swear it Harry, I swear it." Dumbledore looked at Harry, catching his eye. He didn't look away and that's when Harry knew he was telling the truth.

            "Ok, Professor—"

            "Please, Albus, I've told you this," Dumbledore cut in with a smile.

            "Ok, Albus, I believe you," Harry said smiling back. Dumbledore stood up and walked around the table and sat next to Harry. Harry leaned onto Dumbledore's shoulder. 

            "I love you Harry," Dumbledore whispered.

            "I love you too, Albus."

            They sat for the next few hours in each other's arms, sipping their milk and eating their cookies. It had turned out to be a nice Christmas Eve after all.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

**Author's notes: **Well, there you go. I think I might back and change the ending since I rushed through it. 

But for now, that's what you get. :-D Hope you liked it. Happy birthday Nita and Storm!!


	7. Who Needs Rapunzel Anyway?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own my pants. I don't own my eyes. Everything else you don't recognize, I own.

**Author's Notes:** Ok, I'm leaving on vacation tomorrow morning at six in the morning. And so Hannahnita (She's a Star) gave me a dollar if I pinky promised I would write a chapter before I left. 

So here it is. It's quite short I know and I'm sorry. Maybe I'll be able to write another chapter on my vacation. That would be cool. 

And to any cheerleaders that read this, no offense to ya. If you knew our cheerleaders in your high school, you'd understand.

Yes. Hmm…I  think I'm done now. But now Justine is sitting next to me! She might write something. She just said something that is unspellable. :-D 

Riiight. Hannahnita says hi, hi, hi, I'm sitting at the other computer. She's on my other side. Isn't that great? I guess you're wondering how this can be. It's because I'm in school! Wow! 

Ok, I'm sure you want the story now. So…TA-DA!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ 

Chapter Seven

Who Needs Rapunzel anyway?

The rest of the break went relatively fast and Harry was soon packing his bags. His visit with Dumbledore had been a great pick-me up. He felt so special. Harry considered it his best present of all the years. Except that one pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.

            It was the morning before the kids had to head back to the school. Harry stood in the room that he shared with Ron, looking around to see if he forgot anything. There was a knock on the door. Harry opened it to find Sirius standing there looking positively resplendent. 

            The camera shot to Harry looking elegant. The camera shot to Sirius in a chicken suit. The camera shot to elves dancing in I LOVE ME boxers out the window. The camera shot to Harry in a sombrero. The camera shot to Sirius doing the tango with his right side. The camera shot to Santa giving the bed a late Christmas gift. And finally we're back to Harry and Sirius being the two they were at the beginning. Of time? No! At the beginning of the camera sequence, ok? And yes. Onwards.

            "Hey Harry."

            "Hey Sirius. Won't you come in?" Harry asked indicating the room.

            "Yeah sure." Sirius waddled in and looked around with a sad look on his face.

            "What's wrong Sirius?" Harry asked concern dripping from his eyes. 

            "HOG…WARTS! Come on now! HOG…WARTS!" Cheerleaders bounced into the room. Harry and Sirius looked dumbfounded. 

            "Hogwarts! Let's hear it now! H-O-G-W-A-R-T-S!" Then a boulder fell and smashed them all. Stupid cheerleaders.

            "Nothing's really wrong, Harry," Sirius sighed, returning to his saddened state. "I'm just depressed that you're leaving and everyone else is and I'm all alone again. I'll probably become depressed, stir-crazy, and leave the house ending up getting killed because of my arrogance and…sigh," he rambled on, going faster and faster. Soon he was going so fast Harry though his mouth would take off like a rocket. Sirius stopped.

            "Sirius that's nonsense."        

            "Yeah, you're probably right," Sirius said smiling weakly. 

            "Ok, I can't live with that lie. You're right. You'll probably go get yourself killed." Sirius sighed wistfully for some chocolate milk. Turns out Harry had some on the nightstand left over from "Santa's" visit. 

            …Ew. Mold and stuff. All right, moving on.

            As Sirius drank the mol-delicious chocolate milk, he sat on the edge the bed and looked up at Harry. 

            "So how was your Christmas eve?" he asked with a sly smile. Harry sat down next to him. 

            "It was great, I guess. I'm just happy to be talking to him again."

            "I know how that is hunny," Sirius agreed, nodding his head.

            "Really now? But yes, I did miss him even though I was supposed to be mad at him."

            "Hallelujah!"  

            "And I don't care about Snape. Albus is mine forever. We love each other."

            "Amen!" exclaimed Sirius.

            "Amen," echoed Harry.

            "Do you hear something?" Sirius asked. Harry strained to hear.

            "No…"

            "I hear wedding bells!" Sirius shouted with glee.

            "No I don't think so. Not that far yet. We really haven't even snogged properly."

            "Uh-huh…" Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

            "Sirius, I'm serious!"

            "Harry, I'm hairy!"

            "Sirius, I think you're delirious."

            "Harry, I'm just scary."

            "Damn straight you are." 

            "Actually I'm not Barry."

             CRICKET WRITE AT HOME!

            "My name isn't Barry, it's Harry," Harry said, eyeing Sirius. Sirius shifted uncomfortably, avoiding Harry's gaze.

            "Sirius, is there something you want to tell me?" Harry asked. He watched the other man move in his chair. Then he sighed. 

            "Promise not to tell Remus?" Sirius asked.

            "Yes."

            "Do you swear?"

            "Yes."

            "Do you solemnly swear—"

            "YES!" Harry screamed.

            "Ok. Back in our seventh year, we took a trip to Hogsmeade. Well, I was out shopping for Remus when I met a guy."

            "Barry?"

            "Yeah, Barry. And anway, you can't blame me! It was a dark corner and I'd had five butterbeers! Not that had anything to do with it but it sounds good, don't you think?"

            "Yeah, it does. Makes it seem like you were under the influence. You know, this one time—wait! Rest of the story!"

            "Ok, anyway, it was dark. And Remus was mad at me. And I was feeling adventurous…I'm so ashamed." Sirius hung his head in shame. Harry reached over and patted him on the back.

            "It's ok," he said in a comforting tone, "we all have our moments. Like me! Just the other day I kissed Crabbe. No idea why I did it but I did." Sirius gasped.

            "Yes, I know. But that's in the past and Albus and I have made up."

            "You two are so cute together. I think I hear wedding bells again," Sirius giggled.

            "Sirius, be serious!"      

            "Harry, I'm hairy! No, no. Let's not start that again. Here Harry, have some cherries," Sirius sighed, handing over the bowl he found sitting next to him. The two ate the cherries in silence for a while. Once they were gone, Sirius sighed heavily once again, and patted Harry's knee.

            "Best get you packed, huh?"

            School after break went well and was quite uneventful for some time. Then one day something terrible, magraable, something awful, dreadful happened. RON BROKE A FINGERNAIL! 

            Oh, and Marietta betrayed DA causing the end of the resistance forever and ever!!

            Snape led Harry to Dumbledore's office in an alligator outfit. 

            "Rar, snap your arm off I will. Rar," Snape sung skipping along. "Rar rar, Potter's in trouble!" he continued. Harry ignored Snape's little song and thought about what was going to happen. And did things happen. Bam boom bang there was a clang. Bam bang boom, evil will meet its doom. Boy George jumped out behind a door and sang:

            "Bam boom bang! There was a clang!

            Bam bang boom, evil will meet its doom!

            Boom bang bam, I really do love Spam!" 

            Then disappeared. Dumbledore's office was left in rubble and Dumbledore gone. Harry sat in his bed later that night crying tears of sorrow.

            "AALLLBBBBUUUSSS! Come back! Come…back…" Harry cried in anguish. Just then he heard a sound. It sounded like someone singing…

Meanwhile on the roof—

            Dumbledore tiptoed to the edge of the tower, his beard in his hand. He threw it over the edge, without tying it to anything. Then he climbed over and started to climb down it.

Back to Harry—

            _What is that noise?_ Harry thought. He walked over to the window and looked out. There, climbing down his beard was Dumbledore. His purple dress flowed behind him; he seemed to be floating in air. He began to sing, in a high voice.

            "Harry, Harry, I love you so. You're my one and only, one and only soul…mate." Harry was struck with inspiration. 

            "Dumbledore, Dumbledore, you're too old." Dumbledore stopped swaying.

            "I can't lie. Come in," Harry said quickly. Dumbledore started to swing, getting momentum and swung into Harry's dormitory. He jumped down and collected his beard and rolled it up. Harry admired the man's ability to see right through him. 

            . . .

            "Harry, I just want you to know that even though I've left the school, doesn't mean I don't love you. I love you with all my wrinkly old skin. Every wrinkle."

            "Really? You mean it?" Harry asked sniffling. 

            "Yes, and I will be back. You can count on it." Ron rolled over and mumbled something. Dumbledore looked in fear at the snorting pig next to Ron. 

            "I must go before he wakes up. Goodbye love!" And with that Dumbledore jumped out the window, flapped his arms, and flew off. 

            "Goodbye…love." Harry stood at the window with tears streaming down his hands and watched Albus Dumbledore fly off.

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**A/N**: Yes, there is chapter seven. How magnificent! Whoo! And so there will definetly not be another chapter for three weeks. Which is a shame since it's Christmas break and I could have gotten lots done.

Darnit. Spit. So until next time, keep your ears clean, your nose trimmed and enjoy Christmas. Toodles!


	8. Snape's Buddy

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or anything you recognize.

**Author's Notes:** Well here it is finally. Chapter eight. Finally. That took me a while to write. It killed me! It pained me to write! Actually not really. I just had some writer's block and wasn't in the mood to write.

But tonight my drag-queen muse Juan attacked me and made me do it. So thank Juan for getting this chapter. :-D Thank you Juan!

*WARNING* This chapter has more cuss words than any of the other chapters I do believe. Just so you know. 

*END WARNING*

This one is dedicated to all the people that actually read this crazy thing. And so without further ado, here is chapter eight!

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Chapter Eight

Snape's Buddy

            "He's gone! WHHHYYYY?!" Harry cried in anguish later sitting in the common room with Ron and Hermione.

            "Don't worry Harry. He'll be back. Really. Nothing can keep him away from this school." Ron nodded in agreement with Hermione. These words didn't make it to Harry's ears because right in mid-air they were shot down by dead words. Word Fight II had just begun.

            "That was such a cheap shot. "Word Fight II had just begun." Har har har, very funny," a random student scoffed. Next thing he knew midget one-legged ostriches had kicked him to death. 

            Harry continued to sob in agony. Ron and Hermione glanced at each other. They were running out of ideas to cheer him up. They had tried talking about Sirius, talking about Quidditch, tried bashing clocks over his head, playing house, saying what they wanted to happen in the next five seconds, but nothing worked. All seemed to remind Harry of Dumbledore somehow. Like that one time when they were boiling monkey fur and Harry bashed a toad over Dumbledore's head. Dumbledore had loved it so dearly.

            "Arboreal. They adapted outside the tropics," Ron muttered.

            "What?! What did you just squeak?! Dumbledore loves me! He'd never mess around with a wombat! Never! You'll see! We're going to be happy again. Happy! H-A-P-P-I!" a hysterical Harry shrieked running and jumping out the window.

            "Well that went well. Swell, this is just swell," Hermione declared. Ron nodded in agreement.

            "Monkey's don't eat bear, man," Ron said defensively. 

            "I never said they do," Hermione said, a little hurt.

            "Yes, you did! I just heard you." The two continued to bicker until a fire erupted from Hermione's mouth and burned Ron to a crisp. How sad.

            Harry ran to the lake and fell to his knees. Then he got up and ran inside to the nearest bathroom. There, he ran into a stall and slammed the door. He leaned on the toilet sobbing.

            "DICK! WHHHYYY?!?!?!??! WHY DID YOU FAIL ME DICK?! WHY DID YOU DO IT?! WHY THE WATERGATE DICK?! JUST TELL ME WHY!" erupted through the bathroom. 

            Just then the bathroom door opened. Someone walked in whistling "Like a Virgin". Harry held his breath.

            "Hey there stranger. I heard you say that you were havin' troubles with Dick. I sometimes have trouble with Dick." The stranger went over to a sink and turned on the water. Harry looked under the stall door and saw that it was Draco. Harry almost squealed. Er, he almost gasped. 

            "You know what I do when I have trouble with Dick," Draco continued while washing his hands, "I go to my doctor. He helps me a lot. I can tell him about all my problems and he helps. Boy does he help." Harry's face twisted into a grimace. How dare he imply that! 

            "He gives me something to do and it really helps me. I mean, sometimes I think it will never work out! I have this girl over and sometimes he just messes everything up!" Harry couldn't take anymore. He bust open the stall door and screamed.

            "I'm** not** taking Viagra!  What the hell are you thinking?!" Draco spun around so fast his hands were dry by the time he faced Harry.   
            "Harry?! What the hell are _you_ talking about?! Viagra?! What the hell?!" Harry stared at him.

            "Then what were you talking about?" he asked.

            "I was talking about Richard Nixon! What were _you_ tal_k_ing about, huh? You sick freak. You really are messed up. I just come in here to have a conversation about going to my psychiatrist and talking about my problems with Richard and you gotta be sick minded," Draco spat in disgust.

            "_I_ was talking about Richard also!" Draco looked at him skeptically. He shook his head and left with one last look back at Harry. Harry thought he heard him mutter something like, stupid superstitious bastard but he wasn't sure. 

            Harry continued to stand there debating whether Draco said that or not when Snape walked in. When Snape saw him standing there he stopped in his tracks. The two stared at each other. 

            "So. Potter, what's happen'?" Snape asked kicking at something on the ground with his arms behind his back.

            "Not much Professor." 

            "I was wondering, um, if you'd like to…"

            The Brian Setzer Orchestra's Jump Jive An' Wail played in the background. Lights flashed to and fro. People were cheering on their teammates. The Annual Bowling League Face-Off was having one of its best turn outs. 

            Harry and Snape sat at the bar watching the people bowl.

            "That was a great game Professor! A 300! Wow!" Harry screamed over the music.

            "Thanks! I always did like bowling. My favorite sport you know!" Snape shouted back.

            "No shit! That's cool!" The two of them had about 5 drinks each thus far and there was no sign they were slowing down. Harry looked back at the lanes, trying to see who was winning. He had stood in for one of Snape's players on the team who had called in sick. 

            Soon enough the pair started getting tipsy. Snape, laughing hard from the story of Harry and Draco in the bathroom, almost fell off his stool and into a passing hag. Harry found this quite hysterical to think about and laughed so hard his beer came out of his nose. 

            "You know Harry, I have a tail. Seriously, it's right…here." Snape stood up and showed him the tail on the back of his leg.

            "Whoa…that's really weird. How did it get on the back of your leg?" Harry asked confused.

            "Well you see…I don't know!" Snape laughed insanely. Harry joined in.

            "I have no idea how it got there," Snape said in his laughter. Silence fell over them as Snape stared off into the distance. Harry studied him.

            "You know, you're not so bad Professor." Snape gave a bark like laugh.

            "Yeah, ok. I'm not the evil bastard that hates your guts. Riiight."

            "No, I'm serious. You're pretty cool once you get to know you," Harry said, smacking Snape's arm. Snape looked over at him.

            "Thanks. Hey, I want to tell you something. Forgetting all seriousness, since I'm drunk!" Here he laughed. "I wanna tel yew astory. 'nce when I was yun, you daddy and 'is friends, they put me upsi' down…" 

 * * *

Harry awoke to find himself in his bed in the dormitory. He rubbed his eyes and looked around him. He seemed to be alone. Jumping out of bed he thought of the dream he had had. It was quite a strange one involving Snape, bowling and a story about his underwear. 

            As he was getting dressed he noticed a piece of paper next to his bedside table. He picked it up and read:

            Potter,

            Meet me in my office immediately.

            --Professor Snape

            Potions Master

            Harry found this quite strange as he could not think of anything he'd done wrong. Nervous about what Snape wanted to talk about, he quickly finished dressing and headed down to his office.

            No one was in the common room making Harry wonder what time it was, even what day. And for some reason walking made his head hurt real badly. It felt like he had a hangover. Not that he knew what that felt like and all…

            The halls were strangely deserted also. This must mean one thing…THE SCHOOL HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY ONE-EYED CHICKENS!  Harry dashed to the nearest spot where he could hide behind something and make his finger gun. Looking out from behind his post, he scanned the hallway. There didn't seem to be any signs of the chickens but you could never be too careful. 

            He tip-toed past a classroom where he swore he heard a cluck. Deciding against saving the students till after his meeting he continued on. Five million more clucks and twenty shots from his finger gun later, Harry made it to the door of Snape's office.

            To be safe Harry used the secret knocking code. Tap, toodle, doodle, tap tap. If it was really Snape, he'd know what to do. 

            Sure enough Snape opened the door and proceeded to do the jiggy diggy jig that would assure the audience that he, in fact, was the real Snape and not an imposter who was actually a one-eyed chicken dressed in a suit and grease. 

            "Won't you come in Potter?" Snape asked with a hint of disgust to his voice. Harry noticed he seemed to be a little cross and looked like hell. He told him so.

            "Well, if you must know, which it is none of your business, I feel like crap. I have a serious hangover from last night. And that gets me to my point. If you tell anybody about what I told you yesterday when we were unfortunately drunk, I will make sure the rest of your life is a living hell infested maggot bread piece." Harry, convinced it was Snape, stepped inside the office and turned to look at the professor.

            "Umm. What are you talking about?" Harry asked cautiously. 

            "Excuse me? What was that?! Did you just call me a cutie?! How dare you!" Snape roared.

            "No! I asked what you were talking about!" Snape looked at Harry with a sneer that could kill the faint-hearted.

            "What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about? Do you think I'm stupid? I know what you're going to do. You're going to go tell all your friends and then I'll be the laughing stock of the school. I will not tolerate that Potter." Harry continued to stare. Then it all came back to him as if it was magnetic to his magnetic brain. The story, the bowling, everything. 

            "Oh yeah…well I promise you I won't tell anyone." Snape studied Harry for a minute with his most evil glare. Then:

            "Ok! Well, that settles that. How are you feeling? Do you have a major hangover like me? Jeez, how much did we drink last night? Must have been fifty drinks!" Snape gave a hearty laugh.

            "Tea?"

            "Yes, sir, thank you," Harry said, smiling.

            "Jolly good!" 

            Harry spent his afternoon having tea with Snape and talking about general things. Soon it was time for dinner and Snape said he best be off or the students will start to wonder what happened to him. 

            "Not that they would care. They probably wish I were dead or something," Snape said sadly. Harry looked at him and patted his arm.

            "It's ok. That's not what they think."

            "Really? You think so?"  
            "Yes, I think so." 

            "Well, cheerio!" And with that Snape left Harry alone in his office. Harry wasn't very hungry on account of all the biscuits he ate, so he decided to head out towards the lake for a walk. 

            The walk was quite refreshing for him but it also made him think about things. The think on his thinking mind right now was Dumbledore. Everything didn't seem right without him. Harry's heart ached for him. So much, he felt he was going to burst if he didn't express his love or hurt some how.

            "Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on. Far across the distance and spaces between us, you have come to show you go on. Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on. You're here in my heart and my heart will go on! But no! I can't go on! Albus please come back!" Tears streamed down his cheeks as he fell onto a rock. He sat there and began to sing.

            "I know that we have been through so much, baby but I still need you in my life this time! I need you tonight, I need you right now. I really need you tonight. What we have is so right! I need you tonight!" Overcome with emotion Harry buried his head in his hands and sobbed.

            "Please! Be a man! Stand up, stop those tears!" Harry looked up to see the Giant Squid at the surface.

            "Are you talking to me?" Harry asked the squid, sniffing.

            "No, I'm talkin' to that leaf right there. Yes I'm talking to you! Stop that crying and do something! Go find Dumbledore! Make Dumbledore a card for when he comes back! But for God's sake stop being a crybaby! I can't take it anymore! These kids come down to my lake and all they do is cry and cry. No treats for me, no that'd be too kind. Not even a friendly hello; just boo hoo, my life sucks…" The squid continued to grumble as he submerged. 

            Harry thanked the squid for the suggestions. That's what he'd do. He'd make a card for Albus Dumbledore, the sexiest man alive, for when he came back. He skipped back up to the castle, formulating in his mind what the card was going to say.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~  

There you have it. Enjoy? Hope so. And chapter nine, hopefully, won't take so long to get out. Thanks for reading! Cheerio!


	9. Wee Little Man

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything that you recognize.

**Author's Notes:** Holy smokes, it's the ninth chapter. Took me long enough, eh? I know, I'm such a slacker.

I want you to know that every word about the worms (you'll know what I'm talking about later) is true. It was all said in my biology class. No joke. It made for an interesting class period.

I don't have much else to say so read, enjoy, and please review!

-----------------

Chapter Nine

Wee Little Man

"Yesss! So good! Man! No no! Come on! That was cheap! Yes!" Harry bounced up and down. Just then Ron walked in.

"Dude, what are you doing, dude?" he asked.

"Whoo! Yes! Look at that! Oh hey, I'm just—NO! Come ON!—playing a good game of pinball."

"Oh. Aren't you supposed to be making a card for Dumbledore for when he gets back?"

"Oh yeah." Harry put the pinball machine in his pocket and went over to his craft items that were lying about.

"Say, how did you know that I had a card to make?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" A large woman fell from the sky. I mean a LARGE woman. How she was able to fall and not get caught up on the ceiling for being so wide, only sassy frats knows.

Harry ran to catch her. Thank goodness he caught her on a bed or trouble might have been knocking at his door. When she stood up, her head knocked the chandelier. She was as wide as she was tall. Ron pushed his way around her arm.

"Harry! Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Harry muttered, freeing his face from the woman's enormous, pungent knee.

"Harry Potter, can you shrink me so that I may walk through doors? I seem to be too large to do so now."

"No kidding. Everywhere I look in this room all I see is you," Ron muttered under his breath.

"Ron! That's not a pleasant thing to say!" Hermione spat climbing out from under the nearest bed.

"Oh! So that was your hand I saw under the bed when I came in!" Harry said, freeing one of his legs from under a piece of the woman's calf just to have it immediately covered by another piece.

"Yes, I was under there having a meeting with the dust bunnies. Do you know that they really are treated unfairly? Anyway, I was coming out when you came in. And Ron," she turned to him, "I hate you, but not forever because we are obviously written to be together. So goodbye forever but not really!" With that she stormed out.

"Harry, I don't want to interrupt but can you please shrink me so that I can be on my way?"

"Yeah, sure, hang on one second; I have to get my wand." Harry crawled out from under her and went under the bed. He dug around in his pockets for his wand. He found it with is bag of peach lip gloss. _Hmm, better save that for later_, he thought.

Harry climbed back out from under the bed and was immediately covered with the woman's thigh. He lifted his hand as high as he could and muttered the shrinking spell. Instead, though, of shrinking down, the woman went up in the air so that she fell down. Gravity is a bitch.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A woman who was now normal size fell from the sky. Harry ran to catch her. Unfortunately this time when he caught her they didn't land on a bed. The woman stood up, thanked Harry and walked out. Ron ran over to his pal.

"Dude, are you okay dude?" Harry looked up at Ron and opened his mouth:

"AAAARRRHHHHHZZZGGGHHHALLLLREOOUOODDDDD!" Tony Shalob waddled in.

"What's the matter with them?" he asked Tim Allen as he joined him.

"I don't know; you want to see the rest of the ship?" The two walked into the bathroom, Tim describing everything. Harry still lay on the floor holding his knee. When he caught the woman his leg was crushed. Before Ron could go over and help him to the hospital wing the dormitory door burst open. None other than a Cornileous Fudge/Narcissa Malfoy/Seamus Finnigan/Patil twins look alike stood in the doorway.

"Yay! Now I can use the stuff I learned from home to mend this broken bone!" he she it he chanted jumping in the air.

"Oh my God, it's dddddiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppp!" Ron squealed.

"No, silly it's fixed!"

"Oh." And by George, that look alike was right. Harry's leg was magically, pun intended, healed.

"Wow! How did you do that?" Harry asked admiring his newly fixed leg.

"I thought about it being pretty and nice and then my thoughts left my hair and went and wrapped up your leg in love and sprite and."

Cricket cricket because crickets go cricket.

"Any who's, I have a card to make," Harry said, passing the look alike to go downstairs. As he got to the bottom step he realized he forgot his craft stuff so he went back and got it then went downstairs.

Just as Harry reached the second to the last step, a burst of fire came his way. He dove to his right and backed against the wall.

"I know what you're looking for Dragon Ball Y! You'll have to get it through my dead body!" Harry screamed over his shoulder. A purple-scaled dragon roared with rage at the bottom of the steps. Flames licked his lips; smoke billowed from his nostrils, his eyes flashed dangerously.

"Really?! Well come out and fight tiny man!" the dragon roared in his dragon-y accent. Harry jumped out from the wall and landed on the third step, two away from the dragon.

"Come on scale brain!"

"Bring it on four eyes!  
The two stared at each other. Harry's eye twitched. The dragon's eyes became slits. A bead of sweat fell from Harry's nose. The dragon's eyes began to water.

"I'm going to win…" Harry whispered, his left eye twitching, threatening to close. The dragon opened his mouth to retort—

"Here Harry a card for Dumbledore. I made it for you."

"Oh thanks! Well, best be going then. Next Thursday, same time?"

"Jolly! I look forward to the day," the dragon answered skipping to the window and jumping out.

Harry walked over to the table by the window that the dragon jumped out of and watched him fly into the distance.

"Some day," he said, "I'll fly far off with him. I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch that open sky…okay, I need an envelope."

As he went to sit down an elf appeared. Harry screamed like a schoolgirl. Again.

"AHHHH!" screamed Harry.

"AHHHH!" yelled the elf.

"AHHHH!" hollered Harry.

"AHHHH!" cried the elf.

"AHHHH!" danced Harry.

"AHHHH!" sneezed the elf.

"AHHHH!" flopped Harry.

"AHH—okay, enough of that. I'm here to give you an envelope so I can take the card to Dumbledore right now. Say, did you know that worms actually eat dirt and spit it out their butt? Pretty cool, eh? So, how about that card. Let me have it," the elf squeaked.

"You talk to Dumb—worms actually eat dirt? Holy shiitake shit. That's amazing. Anyway, you talk to Albus, not Dumb, but Albus and know where he is? Where is he?! Tell me! Tell me NOW!" Harry grabbed the elf by the bell on his knee and shook him.

"I…can't…tell…you! I'm…under…orders! Stop…shaking…me…I'll…tell...you!"

"Okay, elf-man that is tiny and has a bell on his knee, tell me."

"Alright, I'll tell you. Worms don't…twist and turn like humans do for sex. They just lay there." The elf showed Harry with his fingers, one laying on the other.

"OH MY GOD! I had no idea about that! I thought they had sexual reproduction! Like a drive-through sex release thing. Man, so they don't twist and stuff?"

"Nope, they don't. Maybe we should have a worm camp so you can see."

"I can't watch you sick elf! That's voyeurism!"

"Suit yourself." The elf jumped down off the table where Harry had set him.

"Can I have the card now?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure!" Harry handed over the card. The elf took off running for the door.

"Alright, see you later! . . . Wait, hey wait! I want to know where Albus is! I ain't drinking no blood clots you hear?! I'm a leech! I'm gonna find you!" Harry screamed chasing after him. The elf ran out the door.

Running down the hall Harry was unable to catch the wee little man.

"No!" Now Harry would never know what kind of underwear the well little man was wearing. He fell to his knees, ripped his shirt in half, and sobbed:

"WHHHHHYYYYYY????!!!!"

"I DOOOONNNN'TTTT KNNNNOOOOWWW!" the elf sobbed back. Before he could go back to his hiding spot in front of the window the suit of armor grabbed him and laughed,

"It's a woman's THONG!" Harry burst into laughter.

"What color?!" Before the armor could answer though the elf freed himself and ran away crying. The armor, sadly could not remember the color. Harry was depressed.

"I might as well do it," Harry stated.

"Harry no! Don't do it Harry! It's not worth it!" Hermione cried through her tears. Harry took a step closer to the cliff.

"I have to! There's no other way!"

"No!" Ron cried in anguish. Harry took another step. He sat down, hoping it would hurt less that way. _Here goes nothing_, he thought, _the end of it_.

"Who am I Hedwig? What am I?" Ron and Hermione stood in shock. They couldn't believe he did it. Harry stood up and shed a little unseen tear, staring off into the distance.

AT THE THEATRE

The people sat in silence.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" someone screamed breaking the quiet.

"That was brilliance! Brilliance you here?! Bwhahaha!" Steve Kloves laughed. Not sadly, at that moment a moviegoer crashed a tomato truck into the theatre, smashing Steve Kloves hands forever. But that's another story. Back to Harry.

The next week passed relatively quickly without a word from Albus. Harry, though, only realized this when he was not thinking about Umbridge and her decrees, Sirius, or Snape's class. Before he knew it, his meeting with McGonagall had arrived.

Harry wasn't nervous at all. He knew that he wanted to be an Auror. But he might as well go and get some information on it. His meeting was in the afternoon during Divination, which he didn't mind. Walking down there he wondered what they were going to discuss.

Entering the professor's office he noticed in the corner sat Umbridge. In front of her was a cup of some brown liquid.

"Ah, Harry. Do sit down. Cup of Miller?"

"Um, no, thanks"

"So…career. What do you want to do?"  
"Well, I want to become an Auror." Professor McGonagall stared at him. She looked over at Umbridge.

"Did you hear that? He wants to become an Auror." Professor Umbridge snorted as McGonagall laughed out loud.

"You know, Auror's are a bunch of donkeys. Another cup Dolores? This stuff is has quite a kick, wouldn't you agree?"

"Oh yes hiccup I would hiccup Minvera. Quite a kick."

"Anyway, Harry. What was it again that you wanted to be?" McGonagall asked staring a little left of Harry's face.

"An Auror."

"Yes. That's right. I didn't know you had a twin. What's his name? Never mind, it doesn't matter, he's not enrolled in this school." She took another big gulp of her Miller and shook off some chills.

"Alrighty then. Here's some pamphlets. Dolores, have you seen Flitwick lately?" McGonagall asked taking another drink.

"No, hiccup."

"His haircut is so weird!" Harry decided it was best to leave. Maybe he could come back another time and talk again with her.

Out in the hall, Harry was struck with the thought that they were making fun of him when they laughed about him becoming an Auror. _I'll show them_, he thought,_ I'll show them._

-----------------

And there it is. How special. The worm stuff cracks me up. That was such a strange class that day.

Anyway, please review!


	10. Mr Frickin'HottestThingonthePlanet

**Disclaimer:** Anything you recognize, I don't own.

**Author's Notes:** Well, here it is finally. Chapter ten. I'm not very happy with most of it but what can I say. Maybe you will like it. I can't figure out this new system, sadly I haven't been on here in a while. Can someone explain to me what c2s' are? But anyways.

This is for She's A Star who unfortunately has to jet off to Seattle tomorrow. This one's for you!

Enjoy.

(Oh, and it hasn't been proofread. Sorry for the inconvenience.)

Chapter Ten

Mr. Frickin'-Hottest-Thing-on-the-Planet

Harry walked along the corridor back to the Gryffindor common room lost in his thoughts. Lost in his thoughts he was not watching where he was going. Not watching where he was going, Harry strayed down the wrong hall. Straying down the wrong hall because his subconscious could not subconsciously take him to the right place being lost in his thoughts and all lead Harry to a scary place. That scary place grew scarier by the second. Finally looking around him, Harry noticed that he had in fact strayed down a wrong hall. Imagine that. Turning around, hoping to head back the way he came, he noticed a green flickering light coming from a painting he'd passed a little ways down. Having to pass the painting anyway, he decided to see what it was about.

A few feet away from the painting Harry heard the most beautiful sound ever in existence. Entranced by the melodic song, he covered the last few feet and stood in front of the picture. Snape twirled around, chanting, "One, two, three, four, five, twirl, stand on toes, twirl, twinkle toes, one, two…" Harry stared.

"La la la la! Sing for me angel! Twirl, twinkle toes, dip, sachet, I'll be your oven mitt!"

Harry stared.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" a voice roared behind him. Harry whipped around only to have his eyes burned from their sockets.

"OH MY SNORTIN' GRANDPA! THE HORROR!" Harry screamed in agony. There stood Snape in a leopard print leotard, the vein in his temple throbbing. A chicken ran by squawking.

"I…said…what…are…you…doing…here," Snape snarled, barely audible. Harry writhed on the ground sobbing, clawing at his eyes. Realizing Harry wasn't going to be sane for awhile, Snape turned back to the painting.

"One, two, three, four, five, twirl, twist…You're going to fast! I just picked this up again a few days ago!" The painting Snape snorted and muttered under his breath, "Obviously."

Not quite over the shock of seeing the gruesome sight of Snape in a leotard, Harry lifted himself off the ground with the head of a snail he found laying near by. Just then he heard screaming. It sounded like it came from the end of the hall that he had just turned away from trying to get out of this place. Someone screamed again.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Never fear! I'll save you!" Harry jumped up, spun real fast and ran down the hall with his Barney cap flying behind him.

"Dun dun stronger than yesterday! Now it's nothing but my way! Dun dun!" Harry swooshed through the hall at top speed looking for the source of the scream. Stopping at a door on his left he threw it open. In the middle of the room sat a scarlet and gold draped bed. Nothing was moving. The room stood still, the windows were pitch black, a fly in the corner stopped juggling. Sweeping the room with some brooms, Harry noticed some movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned back towards the bed when all of a sudden…

"Oh, Hagrid, you naughty little man!" a woman giggled.

"Ah, but 'm far from little, Professor McGonagall…" he breathed back.

"Hahah! Well, we'll have to see about that. Oh! Stop that you raunchy elephant! Hahah!"

"Professor…"

"Hagrid…"

Somewhere in the distance, the mysterious person screamed again. Hearing the cry for a Barney-caped hero, Harry turned on his heel, dragging his sanity behind him, ran out of the room and headed for the next door. Throwing it open wand at the ready, a puff of rotting-eggs-smelling smoke hit him in the face. The walls of the room were covered in wallpaper depicting the different states of water, had a green tint to it, and a goblin playing with a loofa in a bathtub. Harry cleared his throat.

"Excuse me, but did you scre—"

"AHHHHHHH!"

Noticing a draft, the goblin had looked up to see Harry standing there in front of a golden light with his Barney cap wrapped around him mightily showing off his bulging muscles and fierce tan. Mr. Goblin was quite frightened. But the fact remained that the screams did not match up. Disappointed, Harry closed the door behind him, forever more locking the goblin in his bath.

Harry was beginning to lose hope that'd he'd ever find the mysterious screamer. Just as he was about to give up, he heard it again, this time defiantly behind the door in front of him. He smeared dirt on his face, he growled and hissed, he smacked Snape's butt, he was ready for the game. The game of fighting.

Having fulfilled his life's dream, Snape went back to his dancing and Harry braced himself against what might be behind the door. Huffing and puffing Harry ran at it with full force. He burst through screaming at the top of his lungs.

"POST-ITS AREN'T FOR YOUR NOSE!"

Not meeting anyone immediately, he stopped and looked around him. He was in a dark, overly green and blue forest. There were random clearings in the trees, no forest animals were in sight, sound, taste, or touch, and it was sinister. Eerily sinister. Suddenly he heard a noise. It sounded like humming. He moved further into the trees looking out for the source of the sound. Up ahead he saw a figure and just beyond a rundown looking cabin.

"Beautiful ain't it?" a voice whispered in his ear. Harry screamed. Harry cowered. Harry cried. Harry won a hand of poker. Harry screamed again.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!" he bellowed spinning around to face the voice. Standing in front of him was none other than Dumbledore in a blue top and yellow bottom dress. His head was covered in what looked like a short-haired black wig, his wrinkled arms reflected the blue from the top of the dress, and al around him was the creatures of the forest. For a fleeting second Dumbledore's eyes were full of longing, but quickly changed to eyes full of eye stuff.

"You," Dumbledore whispered.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Nothing."

"No, what did you say, I just didn't hear you."

"Never mind."

"No! What'd you say!"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"You're sweating."

"What?"

Harry stared at Dumbledore, his eyebrow arched.

"What are we talking about?"

"The cabin. It's beautiful, no? Russelfrout takes care of it for me. That's him over there. It looks like he's almost finished looking it over. Would you like to come in? Maybe have some coffee?"

"Sure, I guess."

Dumbledore started towards the cabin, leading the way for Harry. As Harry followed him he noticed the animals were not far behind. He was wondering if they would join them for a rollicking good time when Dumbledore spoke up.

"You know, Harry. I have a little nickname for this cottage. Do you know what it is? I call it 'The Love Shack'. What do you think?" he asked with a wink.

"It's nice."

"Here, let me show you why I call it the Love Shack," Dumbledore purred, as he reached the door of the cabin. Harry followed him in, dropping the Barney cap on the doorstep and…

"HARRY! WAKE UP!" Ron hollered. Harry bolted up in bed staring wide-eyed around the room. He saw Ron standing over him, Dean playing the banjo, and Neville striking a drug deal. _The dreams are starting again_, he thought, _great._

"Wow, what were you dreaming about? First you were going on about saving everyone and then you were giggling like an idiot."

"I was just having another one of those dreams. Not a big deal."

"Right, well, I'm going to head down to breakfast, I'm starving. I would wait for you but I'd probably eat my sheets or something."  
"Doesn't matter, go on ahead."

Once Ron left for the Great Hall, Harry sat on his bed and pondered the dream he had been having. He thought about what it must mean.

"It means I'm missing Dumbledore something terrible, that's what," he mumbled to himself, staring at the cheese round on his night stand longingly. Sighing, he stood up and prepared himself for the day.

After another explosive class with Umbridge, Harry, Ron, and Hermione headed to their next class.

"Oh, if only Dumbledore were here. He could teach her a lesson," Ron said wistfully.

"If Dumbledore were here, things would be a lot better," Hermione agreed.

"Where do you reckon he is right now?" Ron asked.

"I don't know. Probably out trying to keep Voldemort from getting more supporters." Ron cringed.

"Maybe. You know, that was pretty cool of him, the way he left. I wish I could have seen it." The whole conversation Harry had remained silent, thinking back over the past few months. Finally he couldn't take it any longer.

"JUST STOP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT DUMBLEDORE ANYMORE! I'M SICK OF HEARING ABOUT HIM! HE'S GONE! GET OVER IT!" With that he took off running. He ran sideways through the Entrance Hall, galloped over the lawns and sprinted off towards Hogsmeade. He didn't care who was watching or if anyone tried to stop him. He'd hex them to the next millennium; he needed to get away from the school.

Arriving in Hogsmeade in a sad penguin suit, Harry made his way to the Hogs Head. He reasoned in there no one would care he wasn't in school. Reaching the door to the bar, he stepped inside graciously. The bartender looked at him with a stern look.

"What do you want?" he asked gruffly.

"The strongest thing you got," Harry answered.

"Here." He handed Harry a butterbeer. "That's the strongest we got." Harry paid for the drink and sat down at a table.

Two minutes and ten butterbeers later, Harry was quite the charmer.

"Hey, you! Yeah, you! Was your name? You's look like a monkey!" Harry laughed wildly.

"My's grade is down from O's to D's! I's way behind in history! I've lost myself in fantasies of you and me together!" sang Harry at the top of his lungs. The bartender walked over to his table.

"Hey, I think it's time you leave buddy."

"Leave! I ain't leavin'! I just got started! Look at this fine folks here!"

Harry looked about the room, smiling and winking at the two other people in the bar.

"Hey, how's it going? You wanna have some hiccup fun?" he asked suggestively. "Bartender! Another round for my good friends!" Harry shouted swinging his arms wide. The bartender stared at him. Harry stared back.

"Do I know you?" Harry asked quizzically. "You look very familiar...AUNT BERNIE! Is that you! No wait. Aunt Em? No! I know! You're Dumbledore's brother! WHERE'S DUMBLEDORE! Tell me where he is!" Monkeys in Africa fell from there trees at the noise. The bartender continued to stare. Just then a man walked into the bar. Angels cried in Heaven at the sight of him.

"Who are you?" Harry demanded.

"Who are _you_? Where am I? What happened to Gillian?" He stared at Harry a moment and then scanned the room. Harry wore a confused expression with a purple feather hat and a matching fuzzy sweater to pull the outfit together.

"Who are you again?"

"You don't know me?" he asked, catching himself in the mirror above the bar and winking, "Why, I'm the frickin' hottest thing of the planet! David Duchovny! I don't believe you don't know me."

"I knew I recognized you! Wait, why are you here frickin'-hottest-thing-on-the-planet Duchovny? This is my world…"

"Right you are!" With that David turned and left.

"Huh. Okay then. I'll be going now too…" and with that Harry turned and left also.

Out on the main street, Harry looked around him. Witches and wizards bustled along the shops, going in and out. A stampede trampled some carriages. Most shops had signs announcing sales. Harry started making his way back up the street and towards the school. He was deep in thought about his life. He pondered why he had hair instead of fur. Questions like, what did the back of his head look like, bothered him. What was the purpose of arm hairs, he wondered. Why could women wear men's clothes without problems or scorn but men could not wear women's. Where was the justice, he screamed internally.

"Yeah! Well...well...you just threw the sexiest man alive out of your store! What do you think of that! What are you going to do when I go around bad-mouthing you to all the press. Think about that, ha! No! I'm not coming back in, don't even think of inviting me! I won't come in!"  
"Sir. Leave or I'll call the Minister of Magic himself."  
"Yeah, you do that! And I'll tell him all about how you threw me out! Pssh! me afraid of the minister!"  
Harry, who had not been watching where he was going, ran into the man making all the commotion outside of Ollivander's.  
"Oh sorry, sir," Harry mumbled looking up to see who he'd run in to. Staring down at him was the face of David Duchovny twisted into an insane smile.  
"You again! Here, you'll be my witness! Look what they did! They threw me out because I'm not a wizard! Now, that must be against the rules, I'm the sexiest man alive!" David looked at Harry expectantly, waiting for confirmation. Harry stared. He stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and blinked and stared and stared and stared. Finally, he spoke.  
"Hi again."  
David looked astounded. He seemed to notice for the first time at who he was looking at.  
"You! You, you! I have a message for you! You're Harry Potter right?"  
"Yeah, I am."  
"Well, Professor Dumbledore wanted me to tell you that he misses you. If you ask me, that guy is a weirdo. He was sitting there wearing lederhosen and yodeling. Then after we talked he asked if I'd care to help him give his toe a sponge bath. I couldn't take that away from him I told him." David gave a little shiver.  
"It was a very nice looking toe though..." he added as an afterthought.

"Dumbledore? You saw Dumbledore? Where is he? How does a brain get stuck in a hiccup! Where is he!"

"Cool the jets there tiger man. I have no idea where I was. One second I'm fighting this alien and the next thing I know, I'm in the middle of the mountains. But if you'll excuse me, I've got to find my way back now. Tootles." With that, he was gone again.

Harry felt only a tiny bit better than when he set off for the village as he headed back to the castle. The trip back took him through a pack carnivorous grass pieces, snow blizzards with 500 mph winds, and a strange encounter with a talking clock. Finally he reached the front steps. Climbing them slowly, dreading the thought of returned to Umbridge's class and facing the teachers he skipped out on, Harry was about to open the door when it swung open swiftly. There in the doorway stood Professor McGonagall.

"Where have you been?" she demanded, with a hint of relief in her voice. The thought of his dream before returned to Harry.

"Oh God! Oh, make it stop! Oh!" he burst out. McGonagall stared at him wide-eyed.

"Is there something wrong?" she screeched.

"Oh, ugh." Harry made gagging motions. McGonagall did a tap dance.

"Well. I see you're back here fine. Almost. Come with me." She turned on her heel and headed towards her office. Harry reluctantly followed. When they reached the office, McGonagall motioned Harry inside.

"Sit. We need to discuss your careers advice meeting. I understand that Professor Umbridge and I were not in the best of state, so I've rescheduled you for another meeting tomorrow at eleven in the morning. Understood?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Oh, and no mention of the first meeting, understood?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Good, now get to class."

Harry left her office and headed for the Gryffindor common room. He needed to sleep off the butterbeer he drank. And secretly, he hoped he would see Dumbledore again, if only in his dreams.

Giving the Fat Lady the password, he climbed into the portrait hole. _Tomorrow is going to be a long day_, he thought, just as he drifted off to sleep. _Tomorrow's going to be a long day._

**End author notes:** So, what'd you think? Please review! Thanks!


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